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A Giant Sack - The Tales Of Beor And Balgir


Started by Beor of Skyrim
Post #7909
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356
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Ebonheart Pact (Nord)
The Tales of Beor and Balgir
Written by Balgir Winterborn and Beor Strong-Heart themselves


A Giant Sack


Four years ago me and the little boy that we now call Bormah was crossing the swamplands of Eastmarch after a night of heavy drinking. I met a lass named Gerta the Pleaser and by Shor did she please *Chuckles*. Now back to our story. We didn't want to admit it but we were lost and had probably been walking in circles for some time now. You see the mist was thick as snow and you could barely see your hand in front of your face.

I can tell you it wasn't my proudest moment when I fell into one of those warm springs that dot the landscape, but Beor got himself a good laugh. We must have angered the Gods for suddenly a Giant burst out from the mist and almost crushed me with his foot had I not rolled to the side. Fighting a Giant is not something I would recomend doing in perfect weather and he wasn't an easier foe when he was cloaked in the mist. I quickly pulled myself up hurried to the side of Beor with my sword and shield ready.

That bastard wasn't alone and before we knew it another one had joined his kin against us! I raised my shield just in time to protect myself from the Giant's fist, but the force of the blow was enough to knock me off balance and I stumbled back. Poor Beor wasn't having any more luck and I watched as he dodged the first swing from the other Giant's club only to have it kick him into the water! I quickly rushed to his side and pulled him back out of the water just before the giant could finish him off with his club. The unarmed Giant came at us from our right and Beor, who was still a bit shaken from that kick managed to roll out of harms way and thrust his blade into the leg of our foe.

So, there I was. I had struck the giant deep in his calve. He let out a roar, which made my teeth chatter of the vibration! I ducked away from the giant before he managed to catch me with his colossal hands and beat the hell out of me.

As I landed back in the nearest hot spring I had jumped into I heard a vicious war cry from Balgir and I just managed to see him slice open the wounded giants' other calve. The giant fell with an anguished cry to his knees and hands. Before Balgir could finish the wounded giant off his vicious friend came to rescue him. The giants club was raised high in the air as it charged Balgir who was standing now infront of the other giant. The giant roared and swung at him. Balgir knew better than to stand still and just about managed to dive away causing the armed giant to bash the skull of his kin instead, with his club. I heard the giants skull crack as the club came in contact. The dead giant was flung back and it landed flat on his back, his neck at an unusual angle... And his face crushed!

The remaining giant, filled with even more rage, turned back at Balgir who was having trouble getting up in his still drunken state. In the meantime I had gotten my bow and I fired an arrow into the giants neck, unfortunanently not hitting an artery but I succesfuly distracted him as I rapidly fired a second one into his shoulder. The giant now turned towards me and it charged once more while letting out a blood chilling war-cry. The most fearsome one I had ever heard! The giant hit me with the back of his hand as it reached me. According to Balgir I was flung half-unconcious into a nearby boulder.

I was completely dazed and I wasn't able to get up. I only managed to support myself against the boulder. My bow had flung out of my hand and my sword and shield were no where near me. I saw the giant slowly coming towards me. Muttering something, presumably in the tongue of giants as it heaved his giant club above his head. He was standing infront of me as he planted his big feet into the ground poising himself for the massive blow. I could barely move, in my dazed state. I could only look up into the giants eyes and await the inevitable death. But THEN all of the sudden Balgir came out from behind the giant and with a cry he cut off the giants scrotum with his sword. The giant screamed in agonising pain and he dropped his heaved club onto his head causing him to fall flat on his face.

The giant tried to get up on his hands and knees but Balgir kicked him in the side of the head and the giant rolled on his back from the blow. Balgir jumped and landed on the giants chest and he started repeatedly punching the giants face. "You filthy, overgrown, rottenfaced piece of skeever arse!" Balgir roared whilst blood sprouted from between the giants legs. I managed to get back to my feet and I half stumbled, half ran to my sword. As I picked the blade up I saw that the giant had managed to beat Balgir off him. Both now getting back up at their feet. Balgir realized that he was in deep, deep trouble, and he started to run. Unfortunanetly he tripped over the giants bloody sack which was lying around and fell. I ran towards the giant, jumping over Balgir and slashed through upper leg muscle. The giant roared with pain once more and before I could strike again he started making for the hills, limping heavily, one hand trying to stop the bleeding between his legs.

Balgir got up and we both looked at the whining giant who disappeared in the night. It was the last time we ever saw it. We stood there in silence for a while, regaining our breath from the fight. Finally Balgir broke the silence by stooping down and picking up the giants cut off scrotum with both hands, examining it with a deep frown on his face...

"I wonder for how much this would sell..." He said.
This post was last modified: December 5th 2012 12:56 AM by Beor of Skyrim


Clan leader of The Bromlokiir

Voth Ahkrin!
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The following 8 users Like Beor of Skyrim's post:
cadian13, Garbrac, Najla, Nehemia, Olermir, Tecca, Took an arrow in the knee, Triskele
Post #7911
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I wonder what types of trouble these 2 are going to encounter next. Would like to know how much the going rate for an Ogre Nut is.


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Post #7959
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More stories will be coming soon!


Clan leader of The Bromlokiir

Voth Ahkrin!
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Post #8048
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For the people who might wonder what happened to the giants scrotum. Balgir convinced a barmaid that it was a very expensive alchemical reagent and sold it to her in exhange for a room and a pitcher of mead.
This post was last modified: November 13th 2012 07:37 AM by Beor of Skyrim


Clan leader of The Bromlokiir

Voth Ahkrin!
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Post #8103
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Finally stories start to come in, I was starting to fear that this section would be abandoned.

Make sure to describe the merchants face when the business proposal about the scrotum is made.


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Post #8116
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Well I was already sharing this tale with the men and women of the tavern while Balgir was trying to barter drinks of the barmaid at the other end of the inn.

I think Balgir should be the one telling that!

And yeah, we are working on a bigger story right now. Like your work aswell by the way. Don't worry we'll keep the section alive!
This post was last modified: November 11th 2012 03:30 PM by Beor of Skyrim


Clan leader of The Bromlokiir

Voth Ahkrin!
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Post #8137
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Excellent story! I was rolling at the chopped giant scrotum lol. keep the stories coming! =]


Andremada Fellhammer Pruzaanmar of the Bromlokiir

"He is happy whom circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who suits his temper to any circumstance."
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Post #10907
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Hahahah, only a Nord drunkard would convince a barmaid that the scrotum was a valuable ingredient just to get some mead... :P


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Olermir Wrathbringer
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Post #23812
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The Thanes Daughter is up!


Clan leader of The Bromlokiir

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Post #30446
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(November 20th 2012 11:27 AM)Olermir Wrote:  Hahahah, only a Nord drunkard would convince a barmaid that the scrotum was a valuable ingredient just to get some mead... :P

Maybe the barmaid got the last laugh. Maybe a Giant's scrote is worth many times each of his toes combined, and the Nords unwittingly gave it away far too cheaply!


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Post #119091
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@Grimhild Urdenheimr

Haha, maybe!


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Post #119093
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Grimhild has not been on since for more than seven months... :/
This post was last modified: November 28th 2013 09:22 AM by Archmage Alator


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