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A Traumatic Childhood Chapter 5


Started by Beowulf
Post #17131
Banned

144
Faction & Race:
Ebonheart Pact (Nord)
Silvanus didn't sleep that night. Neither did Othrelos, nor Cosnach. Othrelos hadn't stopped talking for around six hours, although his voice grew hoarse and dry. Silvanus hadn't even had to "prompt" him; the elf had told him exactly what he wanted to know. Cosnach, who was extremely hung-over, had complained bitterly at first at their talking, but eventually sat back against the wall and listened, intently. Silvanus had nodded, agreed, replied when questions were asked, but was mainly just drinking in all of the infomation he'd been fed. Although, Silvanus supposed, none of it was particularly relevant, he liked listening. Othrelos was a born storyteller. In fact, the Breton youth felt rather relaxed as his blue eyes shut and he let the Dunmer's pleasantly accented voice wash over him. But something the elf said made Silvanus snap upright.
"-And so, we accept vampire members too. I suppose that's important, for you, isn't it? Must be difficult for a Night Spawn such as yourself to find any decent work. You must get plenty of prejudice. I know how you feel. D'you know, I couldn't hold a job until..."
"What did you say?" Silvanus hissed. Something the Dunmer had said... Night Spawn... Arose something in him. How did the elf know...? Silvanus knew he held little resemblance to a vampire: his eyes had not gone red, they were oddly electric blue, yes, and heavily lidded, but not crimson as most other vampires were... He was pale, but not unhumanly pale... The only thing that really showed was his fangs, and as he spoke little as possible, most people didn't see them, and if they did he could usually pass it off as a trick of the light... He withdrew the ebony blade, and held it to the elf's neck, holding it fast. "How do you know that? Speak fast, elf, or I swear..."

The elf laughed, and Silvanus bit his lip hard. He tasted the sweet savour of his own blood, and licked it off with his pink, pointed tongue. Then, when he saw that made the elf laugh harder, he shut his mouth, and pressed the knife harder, more insistently. The Dunmer stopped laughing. "I asked you a question... ANSWER ME!" A few beads of blood escaped from the Dunmer's neck. Silvanus laughed as the Dunmer gasped, and lowered his head to lick the blood off his neck. Othrelos grunted furiously, but made no move to attack. Silvanus, face covered in Othrelos' blood, drew back, grinning. "So, how d'you work out I was a vampire, Othrelos?"
"Well, I woke up with two puncture marks on my neck. You look more like a vampire than your cousin. When you talked, I saw your fangs. Just lucky, I suppose." Silvanus looked into his eyes, and waited for a second. Sensing the Dunmer was not lying, Silvanus sat back, and laughed. Then, he tipped his head on one side, and admired the elf in front of him.

"Well done, Dunmer..." Silvanus looked down critically at the blood all over his friend. "Listen, I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bled you anymore. You've already lost too much blood..." But the assassin just smiled at him. Recognising he was forgiven, Silvanus grinned, and went to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle and two glasses. He filled up both glasses with some honey-coloured mead, and handed one glass to Othrelos. They clinked glasses, then began to sip. Cosnach had fallen asleep, so there was no need to give him any. After all, the Breton thought, his cousin would only be more drunk, and who knows what'd happen then? Othrelos tipped his glass towards Silvanus, and began to speak again.

"There's one vampire back home in the sanctuary, actually. Name of Babette. 300 years old... Say, how old are you?"
Silvanus laughed, revealing his sharp, white fangs. "I really am sixteen. But I'm only a vampire through blood... My father, he was a vampire. That," he gulped down the mead, looking seriously into the elf's face. "Was one of the reasons why I killed him. My mother didn't know he was a vampire, married him, and... found out too late. He had moods, you see. He was insane, I think. He... well I had a brother and a sister when I was born..." Silvanus gasped, and spat out some wine. Where did THAT come from! He... he felt tears trickling down his face. He didn't talk about his brother. He never could, he... and he'd just talked about it to a random stranger! He shook his head, and let his blond fringe fall over his face. He didn't feel like speaking anymore. However, the elf touched his arm. "Go on. Continue." The youth stayed still for a moment. Then, he put down his glass, and lay back against a wall, resting his head against one of the walls. Without looking the elf in the face, he continued darkly.

"My father drove my brother to run away when I was around four years old. My brother, Aurelius, was only ten, but my father... Aurelius was never a vampire, like my sister, my father and myself. My sister and I only fed on our mother," he felt tears dripping out of his eyes again. "We only fed on her because she told us to... I didn't understand. When I was eight or nine, I never would feed on her; I understood then. I'd go drain my friends in Dragon's Bridge. Juliana, my sister, had... well, there was something wrong with her. She was kind, and sweet but... Well, she just didn't understand anything. She fed on my mother because she didn't know that that it was hurting her. She just knew that it made her happy. My father... was a different story. He'd feed on Aurelius and my mother also. Aurelius ran away very early on, so we all came to rely on my mother. My father... he had rages. When I was eleven and my sister, Juliana, was thirteen, he sent my mother out to fetch him water after draining her almost completely of blood. He said he wouldn't drink any water that wasn't from one particular well, and he told her..." Silvanus gulped back a sob, and shut his eyes, to prevent tears escaping. "He told her that he'd kill both me and Juliana if she didn't get him the water. She went out... We waited... Well, she never came home. Next day, I went out looking for her. I went to the well. I found the corpse of a bear, and... and my mother was lying beside him, dead, ripped into little pieces. The bucket, full of water, was beside her." Silvanus stood up, and smashed his fist into the wall. Facing it, he spat the words. "I returned home, and my father told me that I must work in place of my mother, because he could not. He'd sit at home, and he'd bring other women, even other men home... I lost count of how many step-parents I had. When I was 12, and Juliana 14, he forced her to serve him mead. She was addled... She spilt it... He beat her to death. Then, as I watched, he lapped up her blood... He wouldn't let me bury her body. HE DEVOURED IT!" Silvanus screamed with anguish, crying out to the heavens. Then, he turned back to Othrelos. He had an evil glint in his eye. He was smiling horribly. "So, I spent the next four years waiting, planning... I poisoned him, watched him get weaker and weaker... And then, last month, I saw my chance. I waited till he slept. I drew my dagger, and I sliced his disgusting head off... I made it slow, I made it painful. I made him feel all the pain I've felt for the last six years of my life! That bastard deserved to die... And that," he smirked at Othrelos. "Is why I kill. Because of him. Maybe I could have been a good person if my mother had raised me. But I've had all the good beaten out of me. All that's in my soul..." he sounded bitter now. "Is hate and poison. No regret. I don't care. There is no space for anything..." But he stopped, and looked at Othrelos. He sounded like he was in pain. "But the answer to your question... I'm sorry. I don't look like a vampire, except for the fangs, because I'm only one by blood. I age, as you do, because of the same reason." his voice was deadbeat now. Othrelos felt his heart melting. But then, Silvanus sat next to him, and put his head in his hands.

"You know, I thought I had it hard. But you..." "Your turn." Othrelos frowned at him. Silvanus gritted his teeth, and wiped tears from his face. He faced the elf, with only regret in his face. "I've told you everything. I've poured my soul out to you, and I first met you when you were trying to kill me... Call me insane. I suppose I am. But I'm in the mood to listen, now. What's your story?"
"You aren't insane. Just upset." "Tell me your story."
"Oh..." the elf sighed, and rubbed his head. Blood spurted out of his mouth, and he gagged. Hurriedly, Silvanus grabbed a piece of cloth, and held in to the elf's mouth, leaving space for him to breath. With the other hand, he unstoppered a healing potion, and, taking the cloth away from Othrelos' mouth, he forced a mouthful down him. The elf choked, and spluttered, but stopped bleeding. He lay back. But he opened his eyes and mouth wearily, and began to speak, as Silvanus cleaned the blood off his chin. "I was born in Windhelm... I..." he coughed again, and Silvanus patted his back, listening patiently. "My father was killed a week before I was born... When I was fourteen, some Nord racists burned my house to the ground, killing my mother and all my siblings... As an orphan..." he choked again, but Silvanus patiently wiped the drool off his chin. "I joined the Dark Brotherhood... They've been kind to me ever since... You... You should join."

Then, he settled back. The healing potion had worked. He looked peaceful, but drowsy, and Silvanus could see that it was only with difficulty that he kept his eyes open. "You... Silvanus. You're a born assassin... You have nobody but Cosnach... Change your name. Change your name and join the Brotherhood... They don't know what you look like... Do it. For me?" Silvanus was shaking his head. How could he join the assassins, the people who'd been trying to kill him? But the next thing Othrelos said changed his mind. "You can meet people like you... People like Astrid..."
"Before you die, please, tell me about Astrid."

Othrelos laughed wheezily, and snorted. "Again?"
"Please."
"Alright... Well, she's 24... Married to a werewolf who she despises... Has a daughter, who's 11... but not her husbands... she was raped at a young age... and she's leader of the sanctuary... Can I die now?" They chuckled together. Then, Othrelos coughed again. "No, you aren't going to die."
"I am. Thanks to you."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You only did it out of defence... But to make it up to me, can you do two things?"
"Yes."
"Well, first, swear to me you'll join the Dark Brotherhood... Call yourself Pollux, after my brother. Second, go to Windhelm... And leave some nightshade on the burnt ruin where my house used to be... Oh yes, and slaughter those bastard Nords who killed my family... I don't know who they are. You'll have to find that out yourself... Fair payment. Now let me sleep. I'll never see you again, so... Thank you."

And as Silvanus wept, Othrelos fell asleep. And shortly after, Silvanus did too.
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The following 2 users Like Beowulf's post:
Abisu, Iogairn
Post #17172
Member

7
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion (Bosmer)
Hey there.

I was reading through your story (as per your request) and I'm here to give a few criticisms. I didn't get an opportunity to read your previous installments. It's mostly tips on prose and random things like that.

First, you kind of overuse comma punctuation. I know when you're in the heat of writing things, these ideas pour out one after another, and then these long-winded ideas end up being mini-paragraphs on their own. Just remember when you're editing/revising to read it in the same mind-set as someone who isn't you. People will pause at the commas (turning sentences strange merely by segmented thoughts). People also don't imagine what you imagine when you write these things.

That's the idea of writing really. You're writing so that the reader can ultimately see what you envisioned. Because of that you might have a string of ideas in your head, but when a reader reads one of them they are lost without the rest. Merely because they aren't you, they don't always know what you're intending.

The chapter was good. The dialogue was pretty decent. Remember that you're constructing characters and that dialogue is a great way to give them personality and let the reader see how they act. From what I gather Silvanus is an impatient person who is quick to criticism while Othrelos is a sly individual.

I'm not a huge fan of conversation only chapters. From what I could imagine all of this takes place in the span of some 15 minutes, straight dialogue (with the exception of the beginning) and all in the same setting.

I'll keep an eye on your writing to see how you improve. Remember to keep the text easy to read (not necessarily colour-code it like I do, just the occasional line break here and there) and descriptions outside of the dialogue simple. Usually simplicity conveys messages the best.

I'll get around to reading the other installments eventually. Happy writing in the mean time.

• Swain
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The following 1 user likes Swain's post:
Beowulf
Post #17174
Banned

144
Faction & Race:
Ebonheart Pact (Nord)
Thank you, Swain for the tips I'll be sure to remember that for my next chapter.
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The following 1 user likes Beowulf's post:
Abisu
Post #17400
Member

259
Faction & Race:
Ebonheart Pact
Imperial
Really good. Nice twist and good dialogue. Obviously Swain has had more experience in writing than I have so listen to him more than me but it was a good plotline.
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