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Mokil Prane


Started by Mukmoo
Post #112667
Member

43
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion
Khajiit
Name: Mokil Prane
Title: Sir, Spy Master, Alpha,

Race: Breton
Age: 31
Origin: Wayrest
Star Sign: The Shadow
Relatives: Mother: Lissette Prane, Father: Crendal Prane, Brother: Gaston Prane
Military Stance: Fights for his pack, and pack only.


Combat Preference: Organised in the way he fights, and will mainly stick to his bow, but has an affinity in dual wielding daggers and carries many sets, and hen things get sticky he'll use the inner beast: or disappear. Carrying an array of poisons, Mokil is just as likely to spike your drink, as run you through with dagger. As an experienced alchemist, he can also use paralysis, invisibility, stamina boost, as long as it's in a coloured bottle, he can use it.

Occupations: Previously, Mokil has been in very noble positions, he was even knighted, but now, according to Bretonic records Mokil has been executed, Dead! Dead? you ask, you see Bretonic records are usually right, but if you've spent 15 years creating a spy network, you're not going to be successful if you can't make some "transcription errors". Mokil's jobs have usually involved kinds of sneaking, whether it was to silence a target, or make them talk, it didn't really matter as long as it was in that line of work. In-between jobs he'll make heists, and plan theft, as a spy, he acquired lists, upon lists of people carrying "goods" .Mokil started off as a low-level spy, eventually being scouted by the Lord of Wayrest, where he rose to the position of spymaster and was knighted, he then turned into a lycanthrope, where he rose to the position of Alpha (Advisor).

Personality: The kind of person that's the "shady guy" in the bar, wearing a long hood and, will probably get in a fight with a drunkard. Mokil, is really out there for himself, looking after the pack is good, but if push comes to shove, his own hide is the most valuable at the end of the day. He will take on incredibly overwhelming forces, to save another person, but only if he knows they would do they same. Mokil does not have a virtuous temper, if you give him crap, he will give you a punch in the gut in return.

History: Mokil grew up in Wayrest, born into a wealthy family Mokil received a decent education, but hated every minute of it to the point where he would send false messages to his tutor, cancelling lessons on "behalf" of his mother. From a young age Mokil learned the trades of a spy, by the age of 12, nobles and peasants alike would pay him not to release any incriminating evidence that might disrupt their lives.
Eventually Mokil was recruited, the Lord of Wayrest wanted Mokil to spy on a larger scale, a continental scale. Mokil, a child, had been placed as a spy in Skyrim, targeting the Dark Brotherhood, and making sure the assassins only played local. But eventually Mokil was found, the leader of the brotherhood challenged Mokil to a duel, settling matters without an assassination, but according the Skyrim law, a duel can settle a feud, and the Dark Brotherhood had planned an "accident". Mokil, a boy aged 15 was challenged to face a combat-trained Master-assassin: but Mokil had intercepted plans, entailing the method of his own death, and ran.
When Mokil returned to Wayrest, he demanded combat training, and spent 7 years, training under an ex-assassin, a Nord named Orak. Mokil mastered the skills of archery, sneak, lock picking, using daggers, and alchemy. Assignment after assignment, Mokil eventually rose to the position of Spymaster, although, he only saw this position as more time, and more resources to create more coin, whether he stole himself, or got someone else to do it, it didn't matter, as long as coin hit the purse. Eventually he got caught, and was removed from power.
A handful of agents stayed loyal to Mokil, they were the students he had tutored himself, and on the verge of collapse, Mokil eventually "rose from the ashes", and increased his agents from a handful to a network, a network of agents that were loyal, not to the King, not to the Lord of Wayrest, but loyal to Mokil, and for whatever use Mokil needed they would comply. Using his power he took to the underworld of High-Rock, and rose supreme, using the alias "shadow", he was so successful, his creed even carries on today.
However, one of Mokil's agents turned "dis-loyal", and attacked him, not with a sword or fists, but with the power of the beast, Mokil, was attacked by a lycanthrope, and just hours after the attack, Mokil joined a pack, just north of Hammerfell. Mokil, did not grudge the pack for wanting him, after-all he was specifically chosen to become a lycanthrope, as his network was needed
Mokil did not mind his agents finding out he was a lycanthrope, most only knew him as "Shadow" and agents who knew is real name were loyal enough anyway, Mokil's diplomacy in encouraging agents to stay on, was vital, he needed them to be successful in the pack and that they they could still operate to whatever ends he needed them for. The benefits of having a network of spies proved infinite to Mokil. He used them rose up the ranks of his pack, but still conducted thefts behind the scenes, in the exact same fashion Mokil became Spymaster, he becoming Alpha (Although the Werewolves don't care if he makes extra coin using ill-legitimate methods). Many have challenged Mokil for his position, but all whom have challenged him lie dead, the occasional challenger comes tries Mokil's strength, but overall Mokil's life was simple, until the war came. He will go far and beyond the call of duty, when it comes to the needs of his pack, Covenant, Dominion, Pact-- the pack always comes first, he does not fight for Daggerfall, he fights for his pack. Or for coin.

Quotes

"Hey, Breton! Show us some magic- Wait where'd he go!"
A Redguard City Guard to Mokil

"Hey that's Mokil! Stop hi-"
A Noble, who just found a knife in his throat

"This is some great mead, Mokil! What did you put in it!"
A Nord, failing to recognise the taste of poison


*Story Coming soon*
*Open To constructive criticism*
*Edited: Tweaked Background*
This post was last modified: November 19th 2013 09:39 AM by Mukmoo


Gone to a better MMO, soz guys, it was fun.
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Post #114632
Member

8
Faction & Race:
Daggerfall Covenant (Breton)
I've read your bio and here's my bit of constructive critique. As a word of warning, you might be given the impression that I am "yelling" at you or trying to "hurt" you in whatever way; I am not. Merely pointing out the flaws.


1. Your character is a contradiction

He's the "shady guy" who would punch someone or get into a fight with a drunkard if "you give him crap" and also, he is the person who created a spy network at the age of 16 - according to your statement that he spent 15 years creating it (31-15=16). So he's impulsive and nonchalant, but at the same time calculated and disciplined; only possible with a double personality disorder, but in that situation you can't really control which personality takes over at a given time. :)


2. Your character has been "scouted by the Lord of Wayrest"

When you say THE Lord of Wayrest, I understand that you mean the leader, so the king, so High King Emeric (the king of Wayrest and leader of the Daggerfall Covenant after 2E 541). Your saying that such an important lore figure actually took so much interest in your character that he had him "scouted"; that is something you should avoid altogether in role-play.


3. Your character spied on the Dark Brotherhood

How? Only the Dark Brotherhood knows where the Dark Brotherhood is. And how did your character, young at that time if I understand correctly, actually got out alive of whatever confrontation with a ruthless, calculating, sociopath that is a member of the Dark Brotherhood; a person who literally lives to kill other people?


4. Your character built a "spy network" that was only loyal to himself

That's called a group of bandits - or whatever other nifty name you want to use.

Also, he rose to the position of "Spymaster" in which organization?
He "demanded" training? Really?

"He took to the underworld of High-Rock, and rose supreme." Really? Are you sure the Thieves Guild didn't mind him "taking over"? Or did he took over them as well?


5. Your character is a werewolf

So he is not only a master of subtlety (assassination, theft, stealth, etc.) but he can also turn into a savage, giant creature (in comparison to the common man) that can take over enemies directly, viciously. All you have to do now is make him a mage and he's a full pack - Collector's Edition.


Conclusively, the best advice I can give you: read everything I wrote even if it makes you feel awful and angry at me, and then rewrite your character altogether. Use this to help you: http://www.uesp.net/


Lord Gregory Deucale
Knight-Captain of the Cobalt Cloaks of Daggerfall
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Post #114650
Member

43
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion
Khajiit
(November 18th 2013 09:40 AM)Gregory Wrote:  I've read your bio and here's my bit of constructive critique. As a word of warning, you might be given the impression that I am "yelling" at you or trying to "hurt" you in whatever way; I am not. Merely pointing out the flaws.


1. Your character is a contradiction

He's the "shady guy" who would punch someone or get into a fight with a drunkard if "you give him crap" and also, he is the person who created a spy network at the age of 16 - according to your statement that he spent 15 years creating it (31-15=16). So he's impulsive and nonchalant, but at the same time calculated and disciplined; only possible with a double personality disorder, but in that situation you can't really control which personality takes over at a given time. :)


2. Your character has been "scouted by the Lord of Wayrest"

When you say THE Lord of Wayrest, I understand that you mean the leader, so the king, so High King Emeric (the king of Wayrest and leader of the Daggerfall Covenant after 2E 541). Your saying that such an important lore figure actually took so much interest in your character that he had him "scouted"; that is something you should avoid altogether in role-play.


3. Your character spied on the Dark Brotherhood

How? Only the Dark Brotherhood knows where the Dark Brotherhood is. And how did your character, young at that time if I understand correctly, actually got out alive of whatever confrontation with a ruthless, calculating, sociopath that is a member of the Dark Brotherhood; a person who literally lives to kill other people?


4. Your character built a "spy network" that was only loyal to himself

That's called a group of bandits - or whatever other nifty name you want to use.

Also, he rose to the position of "Spymaster" in which organization?
He "demanded" training? Really?

"He took to the underworld of High-Rock, and rose supreme." Really? Are you sure the Thieves Guild didn't mind him "taking over"? Or did he took over them as well?


5. Your character is a werewolf

So he is not only a master of subtlety (assassination, theft, stealth, etc.) but he can also turn into a savage, giant creature (in comparison to the common man) that can take over enemies directly, viciously. All you have to do now is make him a mage and he's a full pack - Collector's Edition.


Conclusively, the best advice I can give you: read everything I wrote even if it makes you feel awful and angry at me, and then rewrite your character altogether. Use this to help you: http://www.uesp.net/

Thanks for your constructive criticism
But I disagree with some of your points

1. His in-person character is just that he's short tempered, doesn't mean he's thick

2. The Lord of Wayrest, is a duke, referred to as Lord, he is in-charge of one of High-Rock's feuding cities, I tied up the ends, The Lord of Wayrest is certain Mokil is dead.

3. You can follow one home, do the black sacrament, wait for them to come out the desired building and follow them, I'm no master-mind, but that doesn't seem to hard.

4. *A group of "sneaky" bandits, Spymaster, in charge of all the spies in Wayrest, Well, he was only trained in spying, he could not fight, and after that mission, he realised he would need skill with arms.

5. He can shoot people, and can sneak, and can turn into a werewolf, not as impressive as being a master of arcane arts

It don't see the need to re-write my character, maybe a few tweaks though.


Gone to a better MMO, soz guys, it was fun.
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Post #114653
Member

8
Faction & Race:
Daggerfall Covenant (Breton)
I won't elaborate on every point again. I've presented all the issues in the first post, which you might have not read as thorough as you think you did; to me, your character is bad.

However, it's your choice whether you want to play him like that or not.


Lord Gregory Deucale
Knight-Captain of the Cobalt Cloaks of Daggerfall
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Post #114656
Member

43
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion
Khajiit
Personally, I don't think he's all that bad, you're entitled to your opinion, and I may end up re-writing it, but regardless I will make a sneaky werewolf with a theif/spy background.


Gone to a better MMO, soz guys, it was fun.
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Post #114874
Member

180
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion (Khajiit)
I must agree with Gregory on this one, there are a lot of points needing improvement.

1. There is no "lord" of Wayrest to my knowledge, the lord is the king and that king is the high king Emric himself and you're saying that one of the three leaders of the major factions warring for the Imperial throne hand-picked your char as a child to spy on the dark brotherhood itself? MAJOR problem.

2. You're making up a law, you made up a law about duelling in Skyrim.

3. Why would a master assassin bother challenging a mere kid to a duel? he would walk up to him, pull out a knife, and stab him to death or slit his throat of whatever, assassins don't have sense of honour like that.

4. Your char achieved his greatest accomplishments at the age of about sixteen, no way in hell would nobles be bribing a twelve year-old or would the high king himself order a fifteen year-old to spy on the greatest (or more likely second greatest) assassins guild in the whole of Tamriel? MAJOR. PROBLEM.

5. Your char is a master thief and spy who took over every criminal network in Weyrest and yet he can single-handedly kill every single werewolf that challenges him? extremely unlikely.

6. Your char was CHOSEN to become a werewolf? that will never happen.

7. You're saying is legacy lives on today, when is today? the fourth era? now you're making up history as well.

I could probably list more if I took more time but those are the major points, at least the ones not listed already for the most part.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I'm putting it bluntly rather than sugar-coating it, this bio could use quite a bit of improvement.


The Kynaran Order
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Post #115077
Member

43
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion
Khajiit
(November 18th 2013 03:35 PM)Took an arrow in the knee Wrote:  I must agree with Gregory on this one, there are a lot of points needing improvement.

1. There is no "lord" of Wayrest to my knowledge, the lord is the king and that king is the high king Emric himself and you're saying that one of the three leaders of the major factions warring for the Imperial throne hand-picked your char as a child to spy on the dark brotherhood itself? MAJOR problem.

2. You're making up a law, you made up a law about duelling in Skyrim.

3. Why would a master assassin bother challenging a mere kid to a duel? he would walk up to him, pull out a knife, and stab him to death or slit his throat of whatever, assassins don't have sense of honour like that.

4. Your char achieved his greatest accomplishments at the age of about sixteen, no way in hell would nobles be bribing a twelve year-old or would the high king himself order a fifteen year-old to spy on the greatest (or more likely second greatest) assassins guild in the whole of Tamriel? MAJOR. PROBLEM.

5. Your char is a master thief and spy who took over every criminal network in Weyrest and yet he can single-handedly kill every single werewolf that challenges him? extremely unlikely.

6. Your char was CHOSEN to become a werewolf? that will never happen.

7. You're saying is legacy lives on today, when is today? the fourth era? now you're making up history as well.

I could probably list more if I took more time but those are the major points, at least the ones not listed already for the most part.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I'm putting it bluntly rather than sugar-coating it, this bio could use quite a bit of improvement.

Alright, after two people, that's enough for me to know it's pretty crap, I will re-do this, is there a way to delete the thread?


Gone to a better MMO, soz guys, it was fun.
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Post #115138
Member

8
Faction & Race:
Daggerfall Covenant (Breton)
I think that is for the best. If you take everything that's been written so far into account, I'm sure it'll turn out pretty good - certainly much better than this version.

Also, you don't have to delete the thread. You can edit everything in it, including its name.


Lord Gregory Deucale
Knight-Captain of the Cobalt Cloaks of Daggerfall
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