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Achren Hlaren I - Stuck in the web


Started by Meridus
Post #27884
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Part 1 - Stuck in the web


The rain fell heavy from a jet black sky. No light from either star nor moon could pierce the thick veil that shrouded southern Morrowind. Instead, the light shone from down below, rising from the earth as if to embrace the heavens with tendrils of pure flame. In the midst of all this were shadows, barely visible, dancing through the golden light. Some ran, but were quickly reached by others, and felled. All of this was seen by the child, hidden in the shadows, never blinking. She turned her head, and ran. And she never looked back.

As first light shone from the east the girl was still running. The rain had subsided during the night but had tunred the earth that was all to be seen on the empty plains into mud. The southern wind was howling, and she was tired, cold and above all, hungry. But there was no food to be had, so the girl pressed on. She did not come very far however, before she slipped and fell into the mud. She crawled towards the nearest rock that offered any protection against the gale, and went to sleep under it’s shadow.

“Hey” A voice from a distant realm. A world of despair and fear. Left behind.
“I said hey, wake up!” Something was poking her, and the voice wouldn’t shut up.
“Stop poking me!” She opened her eyes and yelled. She tried to run but her body ached all over, and wouldn’t move. She turned around where she lay and stared defiantly with her red eyes at her tormentor. It was an elderly dunmer, just like herself, standing over her, and behind him she saw a silt strider, lumbering above both of them.
“Who are you?” She said. “And how did you find me? Are you one of them?”
“I have no idea of who they are” Said the older mer, “and believe me, I had no intentions of finding you, but it wasn’t hard. You snore.”
“I do not!” She exclaimed. “And besides, you didn’t answer my first question.”
“Ah,” mused the old man “but that’s of no real importance, is it? I’m no one, really. Just an old man with his silt strider, travelling through the lands. But as I said, that doesn’t concern you, does it? Now, if you don’t mind, I really have no idea in what you’re up to, and I have no interest in finding out. It was just that your snoring disturbed my musings. So I’ll leave you now, and trouble you no more. Goodbye” He turned around and started scaling the silt strider, oblivious to the ragged, dirty child he had just left behind. She gaped at him, and managed to slowly get on her feet.
“Wait!” She yelled. “Hey, wait up! I need help!” She staggered towards the creature, and waved her arms.
“Oho, do you now, child?” The old mer looked down on her from the top of his silt strider, far above her. “You didn’t seem all that keen with me waking you up just a minute ago.”
“But I need help! I need to get to Tear to get the soldiers to save my home!”
“Save your home from what?” He asked from the top of his silt strider. But then he looked towards the west, as if he’d heard something. From across the plain he saw figures, no more than dots, hurrying towards him.
“Ah, looks like I won’t have to ask, after all.” He muttered. He turned towards the girl once again.
“Looks like someone’s coming our way! I’d suggest that you climb up to me if you don’t prefer greeting those visitors where they can reach you, which I’m sure you don’t!”
“I can’t climb up there!” The girl yelled, her whole body was shaking from the effort of walking, there was no way she’d be able to climb up a silt strider in her condition. “You’ll have to carry me!” She shouted up at him.
“Oh, by the ancestors,” The old mer muttered, “Children who can’t climb, what’s our people come to?”

He reached for the stepladder he used when climbing the silt strider and started climbing downwards. He looked towards the west and saw that the shadows were closer now, and counted four of them. He reached the ground, grabbed hold of the little girl and started scaling the silt strider a second time.
“Hide, and don’t make a sound.” He told the girl as they had both reached the top. The little girl stared at him with her big, red eyes, then nodded and went inside the carved-out carapace of the silt strider that was used to store luggage. The old man unseathed his daggers hidden beneath his cloak, and waited.

It didn’t take long before the figures reached them. They were argonians, two males and two females, dressed in rags. They were clearly malnourished, but that hadn’t stopped them from running since dawn. When they reached the silt strider they hissed, and one of the females, with scales that would have been the colour of jade if they hadn’t dried up and crackled from the lack of water, shouted towards the figure that sat atop of the lumbering creature.
“You there! Have you seen a small child passing by?!”
“Would that I had!” Answered the old mer, looking down on them from above, blocking out the sun above him. “It’s been too long since I saw any, especially in these parts. By the way, what kind of child do you mean? A dunmer child, an argonian whelp or perhaps something entirely else?”
“Don’t play games with us, oldster!” Another of the argonians stepped forward, a male with bright yellow scales, all dried up just like all the other’s.
“We haven’t got all day! Get down here or we’ll come up to you!” He yelled.
“Yes, yes, give me a moment, will you? I’m an old man, and I can’t climb like I used to.” He slowly made his way towards the ladder and climbed down. The girl stared at him with wide open eyes, and whispered “Don’t do it!”, but the old man just winked at her and disappeared.

Well at the bottom the mer walked towards the argonians, hands visible in a gesture of no ill intentions.
“What is it that you want with me, an old mer, in the midst of nowhere? We’re far from any town, except Tear, and I’m sure your kind have no interest in going there.”
“Correct. We’re looking for a dunmer child. It ventured this way, and we’ve followed it’s footsteps since it stopped raining.” The argonian gestured towards the ground, where a footstep was clearly marked out in the mud.
“It was here recently, and from up that silt strider you should have view over this entire area.” The argonian glared at the mer, it’s pupils no more than slivers thin.
“Yes, quite.” Said the mer. He stroked his stubby chin with his left hand. “I’m sad to say, but I’ve been sleeping all day. I’ve had no oversight over the land since yesterday. Nope, none at all.”
“You’re lying!” Exclaimed the yellow argonian. “You’re just another dirty dunmer, with no love for our kind!” He grasped a wooden club, and the dunmer noticed that the other three argonians carried makeshift weapons aswell.
“Now, now,” He said, “there’s no need to get drastic. I’m telling you, I have no ill will towards any of you.” He slowly stepped backwards as he talked, towards the silt strider.
“Liar!” The yellow argonian flung at him, ready to bash in his skull with the wooden club, but he never even touched the old mer. Blood sprayed from a gash across his stomach, and the argonian fell to the ground. In his hands the dunmer held two daggers, which he’d produced from within his cloak. The jade-coloured female howled in terror, and ran for her fallen partner.
“See?” He told the other argonians who stared at him, “I didn’t want to kill him, but he gave me no choice. He just wouldn’t listen.” The remaining argonians hissed at him, and charged.

When the skirmish was over he climbed up the ladder once again. The child looked at him, surprised.
“Who are you?” She asked, for the second time that day.
“Me? I’m nobody, really.” He sat down, and ordered the silt strider to start moving.
“But my name is Salbat Giladren. However, a better question is, who were they? And what did they want with you?” He stared directly at the child. He sounded tired.
“They were murderers! They killed my parents! And there’s more of them back at the farm!”
“Your home, I presume?” He asked.
“Yes, my parents were overseeing the progress at the farmstead, for House Dres! Those argonians and others killed them and burned down our home!”
“They were your slaves, in other words. They worked at the farm, correct?”
“Yes, we produced saltrice, and everything was fine until they revolted! We need to get to Tear and tell them to kill the others!” She was crying, tears ran down her face, but at the same time her eyes burned, and her voice was filled with hatred.
“Oh, child,” The older mer sounded sad, “what is your name?”
“Achren. Achren Hlaren.”
“Very well, Achren. I’m not taking you to Tear.” He told her.
“What!?” She yelled, surprised. “But what about the slaves? My home? They killed my family! They deserve to die!”
“Do you believe in chance, Achren?” The old dunmer asked her out of the blue, as if he’d forgotten what they were talking about.
“What? I, uh, I don’t know. I suppose.” She was taken aback with the question, and didn’t know how to respond.
“Don’t. There’s no such thing as chance.” He sighed. “And there is no fate either. There is only the web.” He told her.
“The what?” She’d completely forgotten about getting to Tear, now she was just curious about what the old mer was talking about.
“The web.” He said, as if it was obvious. “You see, people say that the daedra try to gain control of our world, something that none of them have not yet managed to do. This is wrong.” He took out a skin of water and gulped it down, then handed it to her. “Thirsty?” She nodded and took the skin, filling her mouth with clear water. He continued talking, “The daedric Prince Mephala, lord of secrets and lies, controls this world. We are all just threads in the web, playing our part in her greater plan.” He looked down on her, so small, he thought. So weak, but so angry, and so, so afraid.
“We met for a reason, Achren.” He said. “It’s all part of the greater plan, and we must obide by it. From now on, I’ll take care of you.”
“What?!” She had just taken another sip of the water, but now she splurted it all out. “You can’t do that! This is kidnapping!”
“And who’s stop me? You have no parents, no family to stop me, no one who cares about you anymore, except me.”
“But you can’t just take me away like that! I don’t want this!”
“That’s probably what those argonians said when they were taken into slavery.” He countered.
“But this and that is entirely different!” She exclaimed.
“Is it? No matter, I still won’t change my mind.”
“Stop this thing! I’m getting off!”
“You’re welcome to try,” He chuckled, “It’s over sixty feet to the ground, you won’t make the fall.”
“Let me go!” She yelled.

And as midday went on, so did the silt strider, and Achren and Salbat with it.


This is the first part of the story about Achren, and her journeys yet to come. I'll keep writing about her life prior to the events of TESO, and how she came to be the person she'll be in the game. I hope you like it, and give me feedback!

Character Bio: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren

PS: Sorry that it's so friggin' long.
This post was last modified: January 27th 2013, 07:51 AM by Meridus


If an argonian turned into a werecrocodile would there be any difference in appearance? Like, at all?

The story of Achren Hlaren, Part 1: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren-part-1
Character Bio: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren
Opinions and feedback is much appreciated!
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The following 1 user likes Meridus's post:
Grimhild Urdenheimr
Post #27890
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((Nice one..))

Nice story,when will part 2 be out?
This post was last modified: January 26th 2013, 09:07 AM by Ulfgar the Fearless


Zeymah of the Bromlokiir. Voth Ahkrin!
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(January 26th 2013, 09:06 AM)Ulfgar the Fearless Wrote: ((Nice one..))

Nice story, when will part 2 be out?

I hope you like it, tell me if I've written something that goes against lore, I've tried to make it fit.

Duno, when I feel up to the task of writing it, probably in one or two weeks.
This post was last modified: January 26th 2013, 09:09 AM by Meridus


If an argonian turned into a werecrocodile would there be any difference in appearance? Like, at all?

The story of Achren Hlaren, Part 1: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren-part-1
Character Bio: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren
Opinions and feedback is much appreciated!
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Post #30400
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I guess the only feedback I have in terms of diction--don't be afraid to use the word, "said." Overuse of "exclaimed, yelled, remarked, questioned," etc diminishes the impact. Let the dialogue describe context, not the verbs. Also, although this is a trivial point, don't capitalize the word following an endquote unless it's a proper noun... i.e.:

"Hi, how are you?" the girl asked impassively.
"I'm great," said the boy. "How are you?"
"I'm alright, I guess," she replied. She seemed a little sad.
"Hey, you two," Haggar said. "Stop flapping your gums and get back to work!"



Anyow, it's a great start! Keep going. ;)
This post was last modified: January 30th 2013, 10:31 AM by Grimhild Urdenheimr


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Meridus
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(January 30th 2013, 10:29 AM)Grimhild Urdenheimr Wrote: I guess the only feedback I have in terms of diction--don't be afraid to use the word, "said." Overuse of "exclaimed, yelled, remarked, questioned," etc diminishes the impact. Let the dialogue describe context, not the verbs. Also, although this is a trivial point, don't capitalize the word following an endquote unless it's a proper noun... i.e.:

"Hi, how are you?" the girl asked impassively.
"I'm great," said the boy. "How are you?"
"I'm alright, I guess," she replied. She seemed a little sad.
"Hey, you two," Haggar said. "Stop flapping your gums and get back to work!"



Anyow, it's a great start! Keep going. ;)

Thanks! I'm far too lazy to edit my entire story atm, but I'll definitely keep what you've said in mind when I write the coming parts, and I'll (hopefully) edit this one at some point! Tongue_out_laughing


If an argonian turned into a werecrocodile would there be any difference in appearance? Like, at all?

The story of Achren Hlaren, Part 1: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren-part-1
Character Bio: http://www.tesof.com/topic-achren-hlaren
Opinions and feedback is much appreciated!
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