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Aldaril Olo


Started by Aldaril Olo
Post #104817
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Race: Altmer

Name: Aldaril Olo

Age: Mid 20's

Origin:A small town on the Southern Border of Summerset Isle

Birth-Sign: The Shadow

Occupation: Freelancer, Theif, and Sweetroll Hunter

Relatives: None important

Appearance: A good looking Altmer with a distinct scar across his chest, standing 6 ft. 6, a hardy strong lad too

Personality: Aldaril can be funny at some times, angry at next, and modest at others. He prefers a jack of all trades personality, with just a hint of Sheogorath's Madness. All in all he is a good guy with a dark side.

Background: Aldaril as a kid lived poorly with just enough food to survive. He turned to theiving around 9 to 10 and began persuading people out of their coin purses. By the age of 15 Aldaril Got caught trying to steal a sweetroll in the big city, and as punishment got lashed on his chest so hard it tore the skin off. Aldaril now knew he had to have revenge so one day he found his punisher and led him to an alley way. Now knowing that he been fooled the man fulled out his mace and started swinging, Aldaril went invisible and went behind him killing him silently with a dagger. After this point he vowed to protect theives and hunt sweetrolls as he awaited his next adventure soon he would find out that in his twenties it would be the Aldmeri Dominion.

Leave feedback on how well or horrible I did, and if you would like more.

Sincerly,
Aldaril Olo
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Post #104836
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Faction & Race:
Daggerfall Covenant (Breton)
Hi. Here's my opinion: it's not that good. I know, it's straightforward but here's hoping you can improve it. My advice:

1. Most importantly, your character's background has to be elaborate, big, at least in your head. You don't have to write a book but if you have a huge idea in your head regarding the history of your character, you can easily shape his personality as befits a man who would have, for instance, killed a man.

Quote:"Aldaril can be funny at some times, angry at next, and modest at others. He prefers a jack of all trades personality, with just a hint of Sheogorath's Madness. All in all he is a good guy with a dark side."

- What you wrote here is, basically, that Aldaril is a normal being. Sometimes he's funny, sometimes not.
- To my knowledge there is no special kind of madness called Sheogorath's Madness, although I understood what you meant. It just sounded a bit strange to me. :P
- You say he's a thief, a murderer, a mad person but at the same time a good guy (and by that I believe you mean what is widely considered "good"). How does that work?

In my opinion, character creates story and story creates character. In example, X was a good, sweet, kind person in his youth; however, something horrible happened which had a severe impact on his personality. He turned bitter, cold, distrusting or introverted, a coward, emotive or sadistic, insane, etc.



2. Don't play everything.

According to what you wrote above, Aldaril is a thief (for whatever reason: necessity, excitement, both, etc.), a protector of thieves (of any type), a killer (and, in your character's case, one who killed with vengeful instinct), a sweetroll hunter (great relief, but look at it in contrast with all the above) and, in the end, a good guy.

+ The only real issue with the above, in my opinion, is the "good guy" part. You could have him be, instead, an eccentric thief with some experience who, in order to have a laugh at local authorities/vigilantes, steals sweetrolls when not busying himself with actual contracts/personal conquests.
  • If he's a professional thief, larceny is his job and he most definitely does not work alone (as in, he has acquaintances, connections, knows fences, maybe even has contracts or companions). It is widely known that professional thieves take pride in their occupation.
  • If he is a freelancer, it would realistically be quite difficult for him to go One vs. Everyone simply because the "good" guys won't be the only ones disliking him. If I were a professional thief, I wouldn't like some sloppy individual messing with what I would most likely refer to as my job. I'm sure you can understand that someone who is dedicated to something, and who invests effort into improving that something, does not hold any respect for those who do that same thing but out of instinct, without thought, rigorous planning, preparation or research.

+As for him being also a murderer, you should really only consider that it takes one type of person to steal and another type to kill (evidently, the two aren't mutually exclusive).



Anyway, that's all I could think of for now. Hopefully, the above helps. Good luck and be considerate! :>
This post was last modified: October 16th 2013, 01:44 AM by Gregory


Lord Gregory Deucale
Knight-Captain of the Cobalt Cloaks of Daggerfall
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Post #104846
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(October 16th 2013, 01:43 AM)Gregory Wrote: Hi. Here's my opinion: it's not that good. I know, it's straightforward but here's hoping you can improve it. My advice:

1. Most importantly, your character's background has to be elaborate, big, at least in your head. You don't have to write a book but if you have a huge idea in your head regarding the history of your character, you can easily shape his personality as befits a man who would have, for instance, killed a man.

Quote:"Aldaril can be funny at some times, angry at next, and modest at others. He prefers a jack of all trades personality, with just a hint of Sheogorath's Madness. All in all he is a good guy with a dark side."

- What you wrote here is, basically, that Aldaril is a normal being. Sometimes he's funny, sometimes not.
- To my knowledge there is no special kind of madness called Sheogorath's Madness, although I understood what you meant. It just sounded a bit strange to me. :P
- You say he's a thief, a murderer, a mad person but at the same time a good guy (and by that I believe you mean what is widely considered "good"). How does that work?

In my opinion, character creates story and story creates character. In example, X was a good, sweet, kind person in his youth; however, something horrible happened which had a severe impact on his personality. He turned bitter, cold, distrusting or introverted, a coward, emotive or sadistic, insane, etc.



2. Don't play everything.

According to what you wrote above, Aldaril is a thief (for whatever reason: necessity, excitement, both, etc.), a protector of thieves (of any type), a killer (and, in your character's case, one who killed with vengeful instinct), a sweetroll hunter (great relief, but look at it in contrast with all the above) and, in the end, a good guy.

+ The only real issue with the above, in my opinion, is the "good guy" part. You could have him be, instead, an eccentric thief with some experience who, in order to have a laugh at local authorities/vigilantes, steals sweetrolls when not busying himself with actual contracts/personal conquests.
  • If he's a professional thief, larceny is his job and he most definitely does not work alone (as in, he has acquaintances, connections, knows fences, maybe even has contracts or companions). It is widely known that professional thieves take pride in their occupation.
  • If he is a freelancer, it would realistically be quite difficult for him to go One vs. Everyone simply because the "good" guys won't be the only ones disliking him. If I were a professional thief, I wouldn't like some sloppy individual messing with what I would most likely refer to as my job. I'm sure you can understand that someone who is dedicated to something, and who invests effort into improving that something, does not hold any respect for those who do that same thing but out of instinct, without thought, rigorous planning, preparation or research.

+As for him being also a murderer, you should really only consider that it takes one type of person to steal and another type to kill (evidently, the two aren't mutually exclusive).



Anyway, that's all I could think of for now. Hopefully, the above helps. Good luck and be considerate! :>

Thank You, next time I will more carefully revise and much sure everything fits together nicely. I will probaly redo it but stick with the theif part and leave out the 'good guy' (First time on a bio)
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