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Amren Blackheart


Started by Fittjonas
Post #58317
Member

Likes Given: 0
Likes Received: 2
Faction & Race:
Daggerfall Covenant (Redguard)
Name: Amren Blackheart

Age:18

Origin: Wayrest

Build: Very muscular.

Occupation: Assasin grandmaster, alchemist

Skills: Master marksman (has trained since he was five), adept on sneak, has some skill with daggers.

Birthsign: The warrior.

Best memory: When he shot his first bird.

Worst memory: When he got beat up Three Nords.

Personality: Harsh but kind, and while in combat Cold as ice.

Story: He was born in wayrest. taught to become a great assasin by the Redguard Athar. He started study when he was five and now he is ready to face the World.
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The following 1 user likes Fittjonas's post:
quib
Post #58490
Member

Likes Given: 470
Likes Received: 182
Faction & Race:
Ebonheart Pact (Argonian)
ok, i know i love short bios but this is the shortest i've seen :P. no problem though you can still tell a lot about a character even with a short bio, lets see what we can see with yours?

you havn'e said what race he is nor gender!, i'm going to guess redguard male but you havn't stated D:, i think you should expand more on the appearence, very muscular only says so much! is he tall? what colour hair does he have? etc, i'm going to say one of my biggest gripes that a few people do in their profiles (don't worry your not the first :P, and i doubt you'll be the last!), you have made your character master a skill! he's only 18! and even by trianing since 5, i don't see how by at the youg age of 18 you could master the skill, one thing i think a character will need is experience i doubt your character could have alot of that at 18 :c. i'll put it in perspective, in oblivion do you know how many master trainers there are? one for each skill, in the whole of cyrodil! i wouldn't make your character a assasin grandmaster for the same reasons.
speaking of his proffession, how did he become an assassin? why did he want to? is he good at it?, you tell you things that have happened to your character but you have not mentioned the reasons! why is his best memory about shooting a bird? was it while training, one of his tasks was to shoot a bird, he tried for weeks and weeks on end but couldn't do it! until one night. it just clicked! and with a deep breath, one eye closed he shot that bird in between the eyes! it was the proudest kill he ever made because of that :D, why did he get beat up by three nords?! if he is a grandmaster assassin how did these three nords get the jump on him!? what was his trianing like? did he like it? how well did he do? did he pass with flying colours ((don't do this!)) or did he struggle?
there are many questions i could ask for this character bio mate and i would like to see this this small bio become a nice sized beefy bio which is epic and awesome! we learn about Amren's internal stuggles and the 'challenges your character will face' ((hint hint)).

i hope i didn't sound too mean bud, i would really like to see this profile come up with a blazing start and most of all have a character that you love and enjoy!


Quib - Argonian Adventurer
Garce Tilvvan - Dunmer Witch Hunter
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