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Battle for Dune (continuation and ending)


Started by Grape Drank
Post #78222
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This is a continuation of a story I wrote called "The Battle for Dune"

---

While it appeared that the Bosmeri forces were in full retreat, it was the cunning of the elves that had fully tricked most of the Elsweyrian guard. The Bosmer had simply fallen back for a regroup. Erroneously, the word had been spread that the enemy was in retreat and many warriors returned to Dune for food, water and healing. Among those headed back to Dune were two Khajiit soldiers. One stood 6'7”, a towering figure on the battlefield, he carried a sword and board. The insignias on his armor indicated he was at least a step up from the common soldier. His name was Do'Shanji. The other was a leather-clad archer of average build who was called Qa'Rassir. The two of them had just finished a skirmish with the enemy before hearing of the Bosmeri retreat. Like many others, the two headed into Dune, as they had sustained several wounds each.

The two reached the gates without trouble and it really seemed like they had already won the day. Do'Shanji was near the Chapel of Azurah receiving healing by the talented hands of the priestesses there when there was a loud blast of a horn. As a veteran of many battles against the Bosmer, he immediately recognized the sound as theirs. Immediately he lept to his feet, readying himself to go back to the battlefield. The priestesses tried to stop him, arguing that he had not yet been fully healed. But there was little they could do to restrain him and the head priestesses let him go. Do'Shanji ran down the street from the chapel, trying to make it outside the gates before they were closed. He could feel that the priestesses were right, his body ached, but not enough to keep him off the battlefield. Along the way Qa'Rassir joined him, he had heard the horn too and knew exactly what it meant. When they got to the gates they were just about to be shut in preparations for the new battle. Do'Shanji ran through and said farewell to his friend, for Qa'Rassir's bow would do best on the city walls.

The sound of more horns could be heard outside the gates. There was a distant one that Do'Shanji did not immediately recognize, as they were Cyrodillic and he did not venture there often. Soon the battlefield would be a mix of three armies, why the Imperials were there was a mystery and they were on no one's side but their own. For now though there was still some time before the armies clashed. Do'Shanji, along with many of his fellow Khajiit men-at-arms, made their way to the dike that laid outside the city. It was the first line of defense, and they got there just barely in time before the first wave of Bosmeri troops began to run up the fortification. With artful skill, the Khajiit flashed their blades just before they were about to be over run. That first wave had been charging too fast to stop themselves from running into the blades and many fell. It did not take long for the elves to adapt and the next wave was a line of spear-men. They advanced with shields held high and their spears ready to thrust forward. They crashed into the defenders of Dune with great ferocity. Their spears wreaked much terror and the Elsweyrian lines began to falter. There was a point of the line that had not fallen back though and at the front of it stood the towering Khajiit. Other Khajiit fighters had seen his tall figure and flocked to him. Altogether there was about fifteen of them, and they could not be broken by the Bosmer. Soon the Khajiit lines had rebounded and they were once again holding the dike against the Bosmer. However this would not last long, for the host of the distant horns had finally been set on the battlefield. The heavily armored Imperials came charging up the dike, hewing down Khajiit and Bosmer alike. Not even Do'Shanji would test his luck to stand against the terror in the now exposed outer defenses. There was a horn blast from the walls of Dune, the Elsweyrian forces were being called back to defend the walls.



After hearing the horns signaling for retreat, Do'Shanji turned around and saw complete chaos. The Khajiit were in full retreat, but there was no rearguard. Imperial and Bosmer forces were fighting one another, but they also came after the Khajiit. With no protection, the Khajiit falling back to the city were being hewed down. The fearsome wrath of the tireless Imperials was working it's way to devastating effect. Do'Shanji knew what needed to be done. “TO ME!!” he shouted out in a booming voice, and for a moment the battlefield was silent “TO ME!!!!” he cried out once again and began to charge at the line of Imperials. They stared at him in amusement and began to laugh “This warrior thinks he can stand against an Imperial Legion?” It was a preposterous notion, but they would soon find he was not alone. Upon hearing his call, many of the able-bodied forces of Elsweyr rushed to join him. They saw what Do'Shanji aimed to do: create enough time for the main guard to be brought back into the gates.

The laughing Imperials began to take a more serious look on the situation when they saw many other warriors running towards them, spearheaded by the tallest Khajiit any of them had ever seen. A Field Marshal started barking out orders “RANKS!! GET INTO RANKS” he screamed at them. The Imperials lined up in a shield wall, with their terrible blades facing outwards. In return many of the Khajiit raised their shields up and held blades at the ready. Do'Shanji was the first to crash into the line of enemies. His massive height gave him a considerable amount of leverage, and none could stand their ground against him. With a shoulder behind his shield, the Khajiit bulled his way deep into the Imperial lines, breaking through rank after rank. His blade swung out at an unfortunate soul every now and then, but most of the damage was caused by his shield crushing into the bodies of his enemies. His fury had betrayed him though, and soon he was surrounded. No other warrior of Elsweyr had been able to match his strides and he was left to fend off the Imperials alone.

They closed in on him quickly. They were all well trained Legionnaires, certainly nothing to scoff at. Do'Shanji shook his head in anger at himself, but there was no time for inner-conflict. He needed to focus on staying alive! Do'Shanji then did something that made most of the Imperials actually pause in terror of some magnificent spell. However it was not quite what they were expecting. Do'Shanji threw down his shield and blade opting to put his mastery of Rawlith Khaj to the test. It was then that his foes had expected some spell, but Do'Shanji simply stood there with his claws raised. Finally one of them started to laugh and stepped through the ring to face the Khajiit. He stood taller then the rest of the Imperials and was decorated in the armor of a Field Marshal complete with a silver long sword. “Stand down warrior, you will not win this fight.” He declared and stared at the Khajiit waiting for a response, but none would come. Do'Shanji's steel cold eyes looked as if they were boring holes into the Imperial officer. After a few minutes of silence the Field Marshall spoke. “Fine, then it is death that you have chosen” With that he raised the silver blade into the air and thrust it down at Do'Shanji. The Khajiit dashed to the side just in time and jumped onto the Field Marshall, who managed to stand under the weight of the warrior for now. Do'Shanji latched his claws into any exposed flesh he could find and tore into it. The man cried out in pain and fell trying to smash Do'Shanji into the ground. The weight of the Imperial and his heavy armor was painful blow, but he would survive. A dagger was thrown to the Field Marshal by one of the soldiers. Looking down at Do'Shanji, he jabbed it into the Khajiit's torso and he hissed in pain. Quickly, Do'Shanji aimed his claws for a strike at the throat of the Imperial while it was exposed. The man sputtered as the claws tore into his throat and blood spilled from his mouth and throat. He fell to his knees as life was leaving him and Do'Shanji ended him by tearing his claws out.

Enraged by the killing of their leader, the Imperials descended upon him with terrible fury. The hacked and slashed at him, getting a good number of hits on him. Do'Shanji could only react to the swings and try to evade as many as he could, though it seemed like luck would run out. It was in this terrible hour that he heard the sound of horns once more, only this time it would bring allies. The horn belonged to the Elsweyrian cavalry, fearsome spear weilding Khajiit who rode upon the great Senche-Raht battlecats. The Imperials stood no chance against the elite troops of the Elsweyr defense. They were crushed under the weight of the Senche-Rahts and those that escaped that doom were ended by the spears of the riders. The Bosmer knew well of the Khajiit's powerful cavalry troops and broke from the battle upon seeing them, retreating back to Valenwood. Do'Shanji did not get to see the routing of the enemy, for his wounds had caused him to slip from consciousness just as the reinforcements had arrived.

The Elsweyrian cavalry troops found him there lying on the battlefield, surrounded by several dead imperials and the Field Marshal. He was brought back to Dune with great honor and over time recovered from his wounds. After hearing word of the valiant tall Khajiit of Orcrest, the Mane personally had him summoned to become part of his royal guard. It was a high honor for any Khajiit warrior and he proudly bore the exotic fashion of Royal Elsweyrian armor for the rest of his days. He hoped to defend his homeland for all his days, but fate would not be so kind to him. Soon the Knahaten flu would ravage Elsweyr and he would be faced with the decision to stay or leave...
This post was last modified: July 13th 2013, 10:04 AM by Grape Drank


Sugar + Water + Purple

Do'Shanji - Khajiit warrior
Roac Bellecot - Redguard farmer
Jaree-Tah - Argonian agent
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Horizon Seeker, Zim
Post #78371
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I like how the subject of this story involves the conflicts between the Bosmer and the Khajiit, which is not something that has been explored too often in games or the books. The idea of two different nations with entirely different people battling it out makes for a compelling setting for Do'Shanji's experiences.

I'm quite curious to see why the Imperials have traveled way out to the deserts of Elsweyr to attack both sides and I'm looking forward to finding out!


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Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #78471
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To be honest, I haven't quite figured out why the Imperials are there myself. It just kind of came to me while I was writing it, that there should be another twist to keep it more interesting. I do plan to add more to this part and continue the story as well, I just wanted to get what I had written already posted before I had to work yesterday.

Thanks for the read and I'll keep it updated when I make some additions.


Sugar + Water + Purple

Do'Shanji - Khajiit warrior
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Post #78837
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Updated with an ending to the story


Sugar + Water + Purple

Do'Shanji - Khajiit warrior
Roac Bellecot - Redguard farmer
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Post #79239
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Hey Grape Drank, getting that feedback request to you!

It's a nice story to establish one of his origin points concerning his once highly recognized position. It's clear you wanted to establish that he earned his role in the Mane's royal guard through blood and daring amidst an epic battle. I like how you had the Imperial Legion form a shieldwall as they'd likely do in a large scale battle. These sort of details and battle tactics adds a bit of distinctiveness to them that differentiate a fight with them from anyone else, such as bandits or vampires.

You mentioned earlier that you didn't quite have a reason for the Imperials to show up on the battlefield and attack both sides. While a bit of mystery could be intriguing, you don't want their sudden appearance to appear random or confusing. Like if a giant dragon suddenly appeared on the field and started setting everyone on fire, readers would want to know why. Without some sort of explanation, it wouldn't make too much sense. It doesn't need a huge complicated explanation, this sort of thing could be done with a few lines. It also doesn't need to be said outright even, perhaps just a few possible theories that would come to mind.

Perhaps the Imperials wanted to display some power and send a message to both Bosmer and Khajiit that the Legion is still the best fighting force around. Maybe they were an expeditionary legion sent to capture the city of Dune, and took advantage of the chaos of the current attack by the Bosmer. Or they could be a rogue legion, pillaging as much as they can in Elsweyr. There's a few different things you could do.

The Elsweyr calvary that comes to finish off the Legion seems to be a bit of a deus ex machina; as in a spontaneous event that resolves the huge problem at hand. This is fine, though the question comes to mind where they were earlier. Perhaps you could mention them near the beginning of the story in passing. Like stating that word had been sent for reinforcements from Orcrest, but no one knew when they might arrive. Then it connects later on when the battlecats come riding in.

Anyways, just my thoughts on how things might be improved. Glad you are detailing out Do'Shanji's through these stories!


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Grape Drank
Post #79411
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I kind of wanted the cavalry as a mystery to the defenders of Dune, like there would be no hope for outside help and they would need to hold their own. However I do think it needs some clarification to the reader, because I can definitely see how spontaneous the ending sequence is. I also had plans for the Bosmer too, but they just kind of disappeared in my writing. Thanks again for the feedback, I plan to make some more additions to it in the future and I will try to incorporate some of those ideas. I like to write these stories to help explain Do'Shanji's background, I'm considering making one on his days of training to become one of the Khajiit martial artists too.


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Post #79501
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Ah, perhaps a prospective explanation on the calvary's arrival then! It'd be good to speak more about the bosmer as well, as the Imperials definitely overshadowed them once they took the field.

I think a story about his Rawlith Kha training would be a great idea too, as it's a very unique skill unfounded in most characters.


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #79526
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I enjoyed reading this. The Bosmer did seem to become overshadowed when the Imperials arrived, but I was so engaged in the hero's plight at the time that I didn't realize they were gone from the story until the end. Overall good work and a great read. I like to be able to visualize what I'm reading. To me that is a test of the quality of work and this definitely had that quality.


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Grape Drank
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Thank you Zim, I appreciate the feedback!


Sugar + Water + Purple

Do'Shanji - Khajiit warrior
Roac Bellecot - Redguard farmer
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Zim




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