Hellsing the Corrupted

Age: uknown
Name: Hellsing the Corrupted
Race:High Elf
Fighting style: Dual wield swords in combination with stealth and medium armour also has basic knowledge of healing and alchemy.

Appearance: Tall with long black hair and pale skin his eyes are black for all he can see is the evil in others and a long twisted gash on the left side of his face that will not heal until he has fulfilled his oath.

He was found half dead and unconscious at foot of the temple of the divines the priests there healed him of all wounds but one. On the left side of his face he had a deep gash that no matter how hard they tried it would not seal. The priests took this as a sign a sign that he had been chosen by the divines to redeem himself of the sins of a past life.
Hellsing swore that he would destroy the next major threat to Tamriel upon the rise of Mannimarco and his vile use of necromancy Hellsing swore that he would destroy Mannimarco and any who would aid him.
He would ultimately fail as Mannimarco was being aided by Molag Bal and Molag Bal cannot die.
Unable to fulfill his oath he fell into darkness suffering endless pain until the daedric prince Meridia saw his potential and offered to free him of his oath.
Hellsing excepted but in return for being freed of his previous oath Hellsing swore another to Meridia in return for her help he swore to travel the land and hunt down those who would seek to raise the dead with unholy magic.

After swearing this Meridia gave him immortality to this day he wanders Tamriel in search of those who disturb the dead.

(February 14th 2013, 10:09 PM)Hellsing the Corrupted Wrote: Age: uknown
Name: Hellsing the Corrupted
Race:High Elf
Fighting style: Dual wield swords in combination with stealth and medium armour also has basic knowledge of healing and alchemy.

Appearance: Tall with long black hair and pale skin his eyes are black for all he can see is the evil in others

And why is that? You never properly explained why that would be the case.
Also his eyes cant be Black for he is not a Bosmer. Altmer have regular almond shaped eyes, your obvious rule of cool description breaks established canon.

and a long twisted gash on the left side of his face that will not heal until he has fulfilled his oath.

Again, why? Such a curse is unheard of in the setting, so unless you have a realy good explanation (You dont) thats just silly and again, ill just assume its rule of cool.
The Divines dont work like that in TES.

He was found half dead and unconscious at foot of the temple of the divines the priests there healed him of all wounds but one. On the left side of his face he had a deep gash that no matter how hard they tried it would not seal. The priests took this as a sign a sign that he had been chosen by the divines to redeem himself of the sins of a past life.

Why would the priests assume that? Saccrificial cult and scars are not associated with any divine. At best with Lorkahn, who is not worshipped at all, cause hes dead.
Blessings from the divines in the TES universe are mostly literal in sense, see the Song of Pelinal and Perrif who is Saint Alessia.
Also Souls are swept from all personality, expiriences and faults in the Dreamsleeve, making repenting for the sins in an earlier life absoluteley pointless in the elder scrolls universe and it is not a practice that is known in any major religion in Tamriel.

Hellsing swore that he would destroy the next major threat to Tamriel upon the rise of Mannimarco and his vile use of necromancy Hellsing swore that he would destroy Mannimarco and any who would aid him.
He would ultimately fail as Mannimarco was being aided by Molag Bal and Molag Bal cannot die.

Yess of course he can, if lorkahn can die, so can Molag Bal, but no he cant kill him i give you that. But as a general thing thats a horrible way to construct a Backstory. "he failed because his foe cannot die" thats not realy a failure is it? thats an unfortunate coincidence. and not worthy of noting. Making the whole statement looking comedic at the very best.
Also Mannimarcos ways were not seen as heinous acts for a long time, his alliance with Molag Bal and his use of Undead as weapons of war was what essentialy marked him as a villain.
While the Altmer do show disdain for Necromancy as such, your Character does aperently not have any knowledge of his past, therfor also not of racial indoctrination, rendering the motivation of Aldmeri Ancestor worship moot.

Unable to fulfill his oath he fell into darkness suffering endless pain until the daedric prince Meridia saw his potential and offered to free him of his oath.

Unable to fullfill his oath because his oath is stupid. Wow thats not realy a well thought through concept now is it?
Basically this whole plot point could be rendered irrelevant by saying "Molag Bal is not actually allied to Mannimarco, hes using him" and he actually is not allied to him later. All that could be easily avoidet.
And again, the divines just dont set a curse on you in TES. thats not how it works.
I can see that Meridia would make a bargain with him.
But IF there was a curse by the divines set on h im. the way the et'ada work means that meridia could not take it from him. dispite that this whole thing is not making any sense anyway.

Hellsing excepted but in return for being freed of his previous oath Hellsing swore another to Meridia in return for her help he swore to travel the land and hunt down those who would seek to raise the dead with unholy magic.

After swearing this Meridia gave him immortality to this day he wanders Tamriel in search of those who disturb the dead.

Immortality? Ooooh boy now were going into Bullshit territory.
You know who was the only person that did not achieve CHIM that ever got Immortality?
the Nerevarine. By contracting corprus wich is what happenes when Lorkahns divine spark afflicts mortal flesh.
The Daedra cant just "make you immortal"
And especialy they wont. Their powers on nirn are flawed. They *could* make you last longer in one of their realms. but not on nirn, and they damn well wouldnt do it.
They dont even do that for the dwellers in their own realms, apart from their personal playthings, if they are (un)lucky.

So yeah.

Removed a bunch of posts from here. Let's not start fights or do any name calling. I've left Sordak's post (with an edit) as it does have some constructive points in there.

The story is fine ,go home. It's not like these stories affect the game in anyway. People should be able to write a character bio however they want without some high and mighty moron storming in.

Actually, backstory affects RP. That's the whole point of a backstory. Therefore if Sordak wants to point out some valid reasons why this particular background simply does not fit in with TES lore, he is completely within his rights to. Why would you post your character online in a forum specifically made to provide feedback if you don't want real feedback?

As for the character, I see no reason by the general themes, redemption and divine interaction can't work, but Sordak made some very good points which can help align the character with the setting.

Yeah but he dosent have to be rude. He may know his stuff but he brings a real malaise to this forum.

Just going to say in defense of the person who made this character it is is canon that Aedra can be slayed hence why they stay uninvolved most of the time and stick to the realm of aetherius where as it has been shown the daedric princes can be banished or temporarily destroyed but never killed if they could it has been stated they would have killed one another considering how deep seeded their hatred and rivalries between some go also in his defense immortality is not at all ridiculous in a world where the heart of a god is literally a weapon used to power something that can destroy armies oh yea and the under king though its still never established exactly who or what he was it is known he was essentially immortal but not a vampire so it has happened and it is also positive he did not have corpus anyways way to be overly harsh and only focus on parts of canon you care about and I get some of it is a legitimate complaint and some of it is right in the sense it may seem a little like it was not well thought out or fully developed but its a good start

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oh also it is staed that it is possible that lorkhan and shor are the same entity and that he is trapped in his realm of aethirius where dead men go anyways and by the way a lot of "history" in elder scrolls is up to determination and very much disputed even by in game historians and factions so really no one knows exactly what in every instance the Aedra would do I mena look at the falmer an entire race that worshpied Akatosh that when they fell were abandoned essentially all because of none involvement and matter a fact there is another set of circumstance of immortality that was obviously granted at least to one of them

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self determination*

Oh and to add another immortal to my list of examples Oghram Thras elven wizard king of the Maomer or sea elves