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Leaving Your Mark: Part 1 - Delusional


Started by Nevvarine Dark-Blade
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Nevarine savoured the feeling of the warm breeze against his face. The sun was so bright that he had trouble keeping his eyes open. The smell throughout the village was so familiar to him. Everything looked the same as before he left. He had been gone for months, perhaps more. He assumed the year to be 556, but he was uncertain. He had been a mere child when he left, but now, he felt more mature. Time stopped as he walked slowly through the village, looking at every single detail. A family friend was standing outside the cornerclub with a mug in his hand. The two of them exchanged a nod and a smile. No words were needed. He walked up to the next house on the left.

He opened the door, to see his mother and father standing there, hand-in-hand, smiling. He wanted nothing more than to say how happy he was to see them, and that he was so sorry for leaving, but instead he stood there smiling back. He was barely able to stop himself from crying. After standing there for what seemed like an eternity, he walked towards the staircase. He took one final look at his parents, who were still staring at the door. This time he couldn't help but shed a tear. He forced himself up the stairs before walking into his room. It was just like he left it. He knew that he needed to sit down, but every part of him resisted. Eventually, he began breathing heavily before finally sitting down. He let out one deep sigh, and he opened his eyes.

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Nevarine looked up to see Masser and Secunda, not his ceiling. The cold sent shivers throughout his body, but he had no intention of leaving. He stood up and nearly fell forward. He rested his hands on the wall to keep himself upright. Soot could be felt all along the walls. He had no idea how to feel. It was still a shock to him. Nothing felt real to him. He tried to contain his emotions but he fell to floor. His limbs had lost all power. Tears had been rolling down his cheeks. His meager weight was all it took for the floorboards to collapse. He fell down into what was once a kitchen. The place was unrecognisable. It looked as if it could collapse at any moment.

Nevarine barely managed to find his footing. It was only after he stood up, that he realised he had been impaled by a broken floorboard. The mental pain was far greater than the physical pain. He felt the wound near his hip, before raising his hand up to his eyes. His hand was stained red with blood. He stumbled out into the street. The area was silent. No other building fared better than his house. He could see the village burning in his thoughts, and he could hear the screams, even though he was not there.

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXrqlM9Jx8tuHiHRmJhyb...i_2wFaqbqr]

The smell of soot was unavoidable and brought his mind back to the present. It looked as if nobody had been in the village in centuries. He would have said something aloud, if only to break the eerie silence, but no words could escape his lungs. His knees weakened and he struggled to stand up straight. His vision began to fade. He held both hands on his head, desperately trying to stay alive. He fell to his knees. His strength was gone but his spirit had not given up. His wound felt as cold as death and he fell forward to the ground. He was too weak to move his limbs. He coughed before resting his head on the cold ground. Within a few hours, everybody he ever cared about was gone and now his life was almost extinguished. He looked up, to see a large figure pacing towards him. His vision was too blurred to make out anything more. He smiled, thinking back on his life. He then took one last breath, before closing his eyes ....
This post was last modified: September 29th 2013, 11:34 AM by Nevvarine Dark-Blade


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cyfiawnder hiraethus
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Warmth passed over the Nevarine as he began regaining consciousness. The smell of meat cooking on a fire filled his nostrils. The Nevarine opened his eyes only to be blinded by a campfires immense light, he quickly turned on his back and sheilded his eyes with his arm. A harsh but calming voice began to speak. "Ah your awake my friend, good, you look hungry." The Nevarine opened his eyes again to see the dark ceiling of a cave above his head. The voice spoke again. "You've been out for quite sometime, what in Azuras name where you doing in that village." But before the Nevarine could answer he drifted back into unconsciousness.


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Post #91333
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(August 25th 2013, 04:37 PM)Cairanmac1 Wrote: Warmth passed over the Nevarine as he began regaining consciousness. The smell of meat cooking on a fire filled his nostrils. The Nevarine opened his eyes only to be blinded by a campfires immense light, he quickly turned on his back and sheilded his eyes with his arm. A harsh but calming voice began to speak. "Ah your awake my friend, good, you look hungry." The Nevarine opened his eyes again to see the dark ceiling of a cave above his head. The voice spoke again. "You've been out for quite sometime, what in Azuras name where you doing in that village." But before the Nevarine could answer he drifted back into unconsciousness.

I think you've wandered into the wrong section. This isn't an open-RP. No worries though :)
This post was last modified: August 25th 2013, 05:58 PM by Nevvarine Dark-Blade


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Post #91341
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(August 25th 2013, 05:29 PM)Nevvarine Dark-Blade Wrote: I think you've wandered into the wrong section. This isn't an open-RP. No worries though :)

Well now I just feel like an Idiot


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Post #91348
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(August 25th 2013, 06:35 PM)Cairanmac1 Wrote:
(August 25th 2013, 05:29 PM)Nevvarine Dark-Blade Wrote: I think you've wandered into the wrong section. This isn't an open-RP. No worries though :)

Well now I just feel like an Idiot

Don't feel like an idiot. We've all posted in the wrong sections :P


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Post #91371
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Pretty good story Nevvarine!

A story about returning to your home, and in the process reliving the memories you had there. At first it seemed like a simple visit after an amount of time of being away, but it was soon clear that not all was how it appeared. He saw everything different at first due to his "delusions" of the traumatic experience which he fully broke out of only when he accepted what happened. It makes for a both surreal and disheartening read.

One minor thing that could use clarification is the part that describes "There was nobody waiting to greet him when he returned." But a couple lines later there's a family friend that happens to greet him with a nod and a smile. Although that person may not actually be there, the lines sort of clash and cause a bit of confusion.

Another thing is the placement of the line, "In just a few hours, his life had fallen apart." I'm not sure if this is referring to him lying on the ground with a serious wound, or if it refers to when his village was destroyed. You could also be referring to both in some poetic way, but it's a bit fuzzy to see it that way.

There's a few little spelling errors and a missing word here or there, but those will be an easy fix!

Anyways keep up the writing Nevvarine! A follow-up to this would be great!


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #91391
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(August 25th 2013, 11:01 PM)Horizon Seeker Wrote: Pretty good story Nevvarine!

A story about returning to your home, and in the process reliving the memories you had there. At first it seemed like a simple visit after an amount of time of being away, but it was soon clear that not all was how it appeared. He saw everything different at first due to his "delusions" of the traumatic experience which he fully broke out of only when he accepted what happened. It makes for a both surreal and disheartening read.

One minor thing that could use clarification is the part that describes "There was nobody waiting to greet him when he returned." But a couple lines later there's a family friend that happens to greet him with a nod and a smile. Although that person may not actually be there, the lines sort of clash and cause a bit of confusion.

Another thing is the placement of the line, "In just a few hours, his life had fallen apart." I'm not sure if this is referring to him lying on the ground with a serious wound, or if it refers to when his village was destroyed. You could also be referring to both in some poetic way, but it's a bit fuzzy to see it that way.

There's a few little spelling errors and a missing word here or there, but those will be an easy fix!

Anyways keep up the writing Nevvarine! A follow-up to this would be great!

Thanks! I've fixed up most of what you said, but I can't seem to find the spelling errors.


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Post #91400
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(August 25th 2013, 04:12 PM)Nevvarine Dark-Blade Wrote: His meager weight was all took for the floorboards to collapse.

This should read, "His meager weight was all it took for the floorboards to collapse." That was the only real error I could find.


By arrow. By blade.
By tooth. By claw.
By shock. By frost. By flame.
The Aldmeri Dominion will dominate Tamriel.
Our enemies will fall until the Throne is ours.

Ulwe Wrote:Oh my gosh I love shish-kabretons!
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Post #91441
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(August 26th 2013, 04:45 AM)Nevvarine Dark-Blade Wrote: Thanks! I've fixed up most of what you said, but I can't seem to find the spelling errors.

Let's see... Octagoapus97 found one. Then there's these.

"He was to weak to move his limbs."
"He coughed before resting his head on the the cold ground."

Very negligible things.


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #91443
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^^ Got them all ^^


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Added a couple of images and I'm almost finished with part 2.


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