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Seeking Perfection IV


Started by Idriar
Post #77359
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Seeking Perfection




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The last light of Magnus was broken in Crystal-like-Law and the surrounding towers, throwing enormous spots of various geometrical shapes and brightest colours upon the white dome of Lion-like-Soul. It was one of the few buildings in Alinor not made of crystal, glass or solidified sunlight. The white stone hid the sky-scrapping towers of Alinor and Andarcya took a sad last glance at her home town. She found the usage of stone and wood for buildings primitive. Why not living in mud holes? This dome contained one of the teleporter halls on Alinor, connecting the perfect city with the other towns on the Blessed Isles and the waterfronts alike. Sometimes a non-Altmer sneaked or ran onto the teleporter platforms on the outside when they were activated. The very ray of light would have been wasted, that, reflected by Alinor´s beauty, was catched by the eye of a lesser race. That´s why the dome – guarded by many warriors - concealed Alinor from the incoming transported until it was assured no Non-Altmer was amongst them. She herself had served as guard in here during her training years. The experience wasn´t about fighting, rather about etiquette.

Andarcya walked into the hall just as another load of Altmer arrived. The air over the platform wavered, like the surface of a lake, just tridemensional. Bright white sparkles danced in the sphere, like light in the waves on a little pond. One could see them. Shapes of tall, golden skinned people emerged from the sparkles, standing on the platform but being not really there. Then, suddenly, they were there. Another group of Altmer had arrived. And everything took less time than Andarcya needed to place one foot in front of the other.

But as soon the load arrived, the guards drew their maces. Andarcya knew what that meant. A leather-clad Khajiit emerged from the group, pushing the Altmer out of his way.

"Detain that Khajiit!"

Andarcya reacted before she could think. Having caught over one hundred intruders in over thirty years of duty, she knew what she had to do: get them alive to avoid diplomatic incidents. As if anyone cared...

Standing at the one of the few entrances, the Khajiit ran towards her. That man wanted to make it past her, trying to see what he wasn´t allowed to see. He tried to duck under her arms, but with her golden gauntlet she brought an end to the Khajiit´s run. She grabbed his collar, making him utter a gargling sound.

"Khajiit. You are tolerated in the harbours, but Alinor is prohibited for your kind! Don`t you know the law?"

She pulled the Khajiit back to the center of the dome, choking him a little bit to make sure he wouldn´t make another try. The other guards took him and made him stand. Raising his hands, as the guards grabbed him, he tried to calm everyone down. In his eyes there was no fear, as far as Andarcya could tell; she wasn´t good at telling emotions. But in the humans´ and beast mans´ eyes there always had been fear. Well, maybe things had changed in the last ninety years...

The armor of the Khajiit was of light and weathered leather, nearly of the colour of sand. Beneath the leather the Khajiit wore a tunic of expensive looking fabric, even if surely not crafted in Alinor. Andarcya had been told, that Khajiit would adorn themsleves over and over with poorly crafted gold pendants, but this individual didn´t wore anything like that, except an Imperial coin with a hole in it around his neck. The visible fur of the beast was mostly black with yellow stripes. Just his face and the hands were white. She didn´t like his face. A black spot left of his nose destroyed the symetry and there was a scar over his pink muzzle... a pink muzzle. Andarcya gave the slightest smile when she saw that muzzle in the middle of such a serious and humorless looking face.

The Captain of the guards, most likely, turned to her:

"Thank you, citizen."

He then turned to the Khajiit hanging in the guard´s arms.

"You knew that you violated the law with the action of entering Alinor. What do you have to say for your defence?"

With glassy, cold eyes of green, the Khajiit stared to the entrance of the dome, than to Andarcya and finally to the Captain. Was there a smile on his face?

"S'Girr´s name is hare, and hare doesn´t know anything about anything."

Andarcya drew her sword and laid it at the beast man´s throat.

"Hold your tongue or I will cut it out. How do you dare to answer bunk to an upholder of the law?"

The Captain took a step back.

"Citizen. No offense intended, but I would appreciate if you let me fulfill my duty myself."

"No, why? This one is drunk. And druggy. S'Girr is both and none enough."

With disgust, Andarcya lowered her sword. Weak-willed beast! That was the reason why there was no fear in his eyes. Moon sugar was a curse to their allies and the world! The groves of Tenmar had to be burned down as soon as the Altmer won this war. She turned away and went to the queue for the teleporter Lion-like-Soul. The Khajiit's eyes followed her steps.

"Gentlemer. Where is the problem?"

The Khajiit raised his voice pointing at the teleporter. The guards looked at each other and nodded.

"Get into the queue, Khajiit! Get back to where you came from! If we ever catch you again, you will face your sudden execution!"

Andarcya turned around. Now they made that Khajiit stand right behind her. Materialism! But as she looked at the Khajiit, there was something wrong about him: now that the guards were behind him he – surely - smiled with clear green eyes. Andarcya had heard of people getting drunken from too much alcohol. Deplorable Custom! But it took hours to get sober again, as she heard. That wasn´t the first Khajiit she ever saw. But the first one coming so close to her without her catching him. Curiosity overwhelmed disgust.

"Tell me Khajiit... why did you risk your life and jump into the teleporter even if you violated the law with this act? Alcohol and moon sugar didn´t really push you this far, did they?"

The Khajit looked up at her. She towered him by a head or two, being still short for an Altmer. This mortal... Khajiit on the other hand was short, too.

"Why, yes. S'Girr is not drunk. And S'Girr hates moon sugar. "

"And what made you violate the law? Did the sight of Alinor thrill you like that?"

The Khajiit eyes sparkled, as an evil smile appeared on his snout.

"No. A wager."

"A wager?"

"S'Girr made three hundred white gold coins today. And didn´t even have to stab anyone. Five hundred if this one would have seen the forbidden glass. How many coins made Altmer?"

Andarcya rolled her eyes, turning back to the platform, waiting until she was told to step on it. Violating the law for money? What other madness she would face... outside the Blessed Isles?
This post was last modified: August 22nd 2013, 03:34 AM by Idriar


Who controls the Septim crown?
Who keeps the Allesian Heresy down?
We do, we do

Who knocked Yokuda off the maps?
Who keeps the Dwemer under wraps?
We do, we do

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The following 5 users Like Idriar's post:
Archmage Alator, Grape Drank, Iogairn, Octagonapus97, Triskele
Post #77984
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Likes Given: 206
Likes Received: 633
Faction & Race:
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Totally redid the story, introducing S'Girr the Greedy


Who controls the Septim crown?
Who keeps the Allesian Heresy down?
We do, we do

Who knocked Yokuda off the maps?
Who keeps the Dwemer under wraps?
We do, we do

Like this post Reply
Post #78422
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Likes Given: 286
Likes Received: 173
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer)
I love reading these. One thing, though: I realize English isn't you first language, but you might want to brush up on your grammar a bit. It somewhat bugs me seeing the mighty Altmer messing up their words like that. Otherwise, great job! ^_^


By arrow. By blade.
By tooth. By claw.
By shock. By frost. By flame.
The Aldmeri Dominion will dominate Tamriel.
Our enemies will fall until the Throne is ours.

Ulwe Wrote:Oh my gosh I love shish-kabretons!
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Post #78425
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Likes Given: 206
Likes Received: 633
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer)
I changed some spoken parts, I hope it´s better grammar now. I also hope the other stories have no mistakes in it. A Little hint at other flaws, please? ;)


Who controls the Septim crown?
Who keeps the Allesian Heresy down?
We do, we do

Who knocked Yokuda off the maps?
Who keeps the Dwemer under wraps?
We do, we do

Like this post Reply
Post #78435
Member

Likes Given: 286
Likes Received: 173
Faction & Race:
Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer)
I've corrected any notable mistakes I could find:

The last light of Magnus was broken in Crystal-like-Law and the surrounding towers, throwing enormous spots of various geometrical shapes and brightest colours upon the white dome of Lion-like-Soul. It was one of the few buildings in Alinor not made of crystal, glass or solidifies solidified sunlight. The white stone hid the scy scrapping sky-scraping towers of Alinor. and Andarcya took a sad last glance at her home town. She found the usage of stone and wood for buildings primitive. Why not living in mud holes? This dome contained one of the teleporter halls on Alinor, connecting the perfect city with the other towns on the Blessed Isles and the waterfronts alike. Sometimes a non-Altmer sneaked or ran onto the teleporter platforms on the outside when they were activated. The very ray of light would have been wasted, that, reflected by Alinor´s beauty, was catched by the eye of a lesser race. That´s why the dome – guarded by many warriors - concealed Alinor from the incoming transported until it was assured no Non-Altmer was amongst them. She herself had served as guard in here during her training years. The experience wasn´t about fighting, rather about etiquette.

Andarcya walked into the hall just as another load of Altmer arrived. The air over the platform wavered, like the surface of a lake, just tridemensional. Bright white sparkles danced in the sphere, like light in the waves on a little pond. One could see them. Shapes of tall, golden-skinned people emerged from the sparkles, standing on the platform but being not really there. Then, suddenly, they were there. Another group of Altmer had arrived. And everything took fewer less time than Andarcya needed to place one foot in front of the other.

But as soon the load arrived, the guards drew their maces. Andarcya knew what that meant. A leather-clad Khajiit emerged from the group, pushing the Altmer out of his way.

"Detain that Khajiit!"

Andarcya reacted before she could think. Having caught over one hundred intruders in over thirty years of duty, she knew what she had to do: Get get them alive to avoid diplomatic incidents. As if anyone cared...

Standing at the one of the few entrances, the Khajiit ran towards her. That man wanted to make it past her, trying to see what he wasn´t alloweed allowed to do. He tried to duck under her arms, but with her golden gauntlet she brought an end to the Khajiit´s run., as sheShe grabbed his collar, making him utter a gargling sound.

"Khajiit. You are tolerated in the harbours, but Alinor is prohibited for your kind! Don`t you know the law?"

She pulled the Khajiit back to the center of the dome, choking him a little bit to make sure he wouldn´t make another try. The other guards took him and made him stand. Raising his hands, as the guards grabbed him, he tried to calm everyone down. In his eyes there was no fear, as far as Andarcya could tell, she ; she wasn´t good in at telling emotions. But in the humans´ and beast mans´ eyes there always had been fear. Well, maybe things had changed in the last ninety years...

The armor of the Khajiit was of light and weathered leather, nearly of the colour of sand. Beneath the leather, the Khajiit wore a tunic of expensive looking fabric, even if surely not crafted on Alinor (assuming you mean the city Alinor, it should read "in Alinor", not "on"). Andarcya was had been told, that Khajiit would adorn themsleves over and over with poorly crafted gold pendants, but this individual didn´t wore wear anything like that, expect except an Imperial coin with a hole in it around his neck. The visible fur of the beast was mostly black with yellow stripes. Just his face and the hands were white. She didn´t like his face. A black spot left of his nose destroyed the symetry and there was a scar over his pink muzzle... a pink muzzle. Andarcya gave the slightest smile when she saw that muzzle in the middle of such a serious and humorless-looking face.

The Captain of the guards, most probably likely, turned to her:

"Thank you, citizen."

Then he He then turned to the Khajiit hanging in the guard´s arms.

"You knew that you violated the law with the action of entering Alinor. What do you have to say for in your defence?"

With glassy, cold eyes of green, the Khajiit stared to the entrance of the dome, than to Andarcya and finally to the Captain. Was there a smile on his face?

"S'Girr´s name is hare, and hare doesn´t know anything about anything."

Andarcya drew her sword and laid it at the beast man´s throat.

"Hold your tongue or I will cut it out. How do you dare to answer bunk to an upholder of the law?"

The Captain took a step back.

"Citizen. No offense intended, but I would appreciate if you let me fulfill my duty myself."

"No, why? This one is drunk. And druggy. S'Girr is both and none enough."

With disgust, Andarcya lowered her sword. Weak-willed beast! That was the reason why there was no fear in his eyes. Moon sugar was a curse to their allies and the world! The groves of Tenmar had to be burned down as soon as the Altmer won this war. She turned away and went to the queue for the teleporter Lion-like-Soul. The Khajiit's eyes followed her steps.

"Gentlemer. Where is the problem?"

The Khajiit raised his voice pointing at the teleporter. The guards looked at each other and nodded.

"Get into the queue, Khajiit! Get back to where you came from! If we ever catch you again, you will face your sudden execution!"

Andarcya turned around. Now they made that Khajiit stand right behind her. Materialism! But as she looked at the Khajiit, there was something wrong about him: Now now that the guards were behind him he – surely - smiled with clear green eyes. Andarcya had heard of people getting drunken from too much alcohol. Deplorable Custom! But it took hours to get sober again, as she heard. That wasn´t the first Khajiit she ever saw. But the first one coming so close to her without her catching him. Curiosity overwhelmed disgust.

"Tell me Khajiit... why did you risk your life and jumped jump into the teleporter even if you violated the law with this act? Alcohol and moon sugar didn´t really push you this far, did they?"

The Khajitt Khajiit looked up to at her. She towered him by a head or two, being still short for an Altmer. This mortal... Khajiit on the other hand was short, too.

"Why, yes. S'Girr is not drunk. And S'Girr hates moon sugar. "

"And what made you violate the law? Did the sight of Alinor thrill you like that?"

The Khajiit eyes sparkled, as an evil smile appeared on his snout.

"No. A wager."

"A wager?"

"S'Girr made three hundred white gold coins today. And didn´t even had have to stab anyone. Five hundred if this one would have seen the forbidden glass. How many coins made Altmer?"

Andarcya rolled her eyes, turning back to the platform, waiting till 'til/until (very common mistake) she was told to step on it. Violating the law for money? What other madness she would face... outside the Blessed Isles?

Some of these weren't necessarily mistakes, but rewording helps the flow of sentences and such. In the future, you can PM a copy of whatever you're working on so I can edit it for you before you post it, if you'd like. Winking_grinning


By arrow. By blade.
By tooth. By claw.
By shock. By frost. By flame.
The Aldmeri Dominion will dominate Tamriel.
Our enemies will fall until the Throne is ours.

Ulwe Wrote:Oh my gosh I love shish-kabretons!
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The following 1 user likes Octagonapus97's post:
Idriar
Post #78939
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These stories have been excellent to read. The first three I felt like you set the scene perfectly and went into great detail about Altmer society. The fourth one felt like a good transition as Andarcya leaves Alinor.


Sugar + Water + Purple

Do'Shanji - Khajiit warrior
Roac Bellecot - Redguard farmer
Jaree-Tah - Argonian agent
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