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The "Feedback Request" Thread


Started by Horizon Seeker
Post #47626
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As we all post our creative pieces on a public forum to share with others, many of us may want to know what others think of our writing. Whether it's about ideas, lore adherence, or writing style-- feedback can be very important in having your work be the best that it can be. So don't feel intimidated by it!

Feedback may include comments on positive aspects of the piece as well as comments on how the writing may be improved. It's important to approach both writings and feedback with an open mind, and to understand there may be differing opinions.

Simply post a link to your RP, library submission, or character bio below to let people know you're looking for feedback! Anyone who is willing is free to offer their feedback to pieces as well!
This post was last modified: April 22nd 2013, 06:43 PM by Horizon Seeker


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Post #47638
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good thread man,
I'll start

heres my character Quib
http://www.tesof.com/topic-quib?highlight=quib

would love feed back from you guys :)
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Post #47641
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Likes Given: 46
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Oh boy ill enjoy this.

bring me ALL the ninjas.

OT: Argonians cant drown, Leyawin is beeing infected with the flu, no Imperials or Khajiit could survive there for long, beeing in direct proximity to Black Marsh.
On Racist Nords: stupid sentiment. Nords are not racist as such. You misunderstand their distrust in Skyrim.
The fact that they precieve Kahjiit as thieves does not mean they would activeley hunt them down and kill them.
Especialy not outside of Skyrim. Nords =/= Neonazis with baseball bats.
On Religion: yes, yes again atheism. ATHEISM IS BORING AND UNREASONABLE. in a world where gods are real, atheism is not edgy, its stupid and factually incorrect.
While Argonians do not usually worship the divines, they would at the very least rever the hist.
You also have not incorporated any mention of his naming day wich actually would be a part that would fit in your story in an interresting fashion.
More on Leyawin: Leyawiin was traditionally a khajiiti settlement, who in term are known to do war with the argonians.
Id actually debate wether or not it was under imperial influence during the interregnum.
Definitly a bad place to put anything basically. With the flu washing over southern tamriel there is probably not much left to live in anyway.
This post was last modified: March 6th 2013, 05:06 AM by Sordak
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Post #47650
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(March 6th 2013, 04:45 AM)Sordak Wrote: Oh boy ill enjoy this.

bring me ALL the ninjas.

OT: Argonians cant drown, Leyawin is beeing infected with the flu, no Imperials or Khajiit could survive there for long, beeing in direct proximity to Black Marsh.
On Racist Nords: stupid sentiment. Nords are not racist as such. You misunderstand their distrust in Skyrim.
The fact that they precieve Kahjiit as thieves does not mean they would activeley hunt them down and kill them.
Especialy not outside of Skyrim. Nords =/= Neonazis with baseball bats.
On Religion: yes, yes again atheism. ATHEISM IS BORING AND UNREASONABLE. in a world where gods are real, atheism is not edgy, its stupid and factually incorrect.
While Argonians do not usually worship the divines, they would at the very least rever the hist.
You also have not incorporated any mention of his naming day wich actually would be a part that would fit in your story in an interresting fashion.
More on Leyawin: Leyawiin was traditionally a khajiiti settlement, who in term are known to do war with the argonians.
Id actually debate wether or not it was under imperial influence during the interregnum.
Definitly a bad place to put anything basically. With the flu washing over southern tamriel there is probably not much left to live in anyway.

because most argonians are this and that doesn't mean i have to follow those rules. because nords are famous warriors from the north doesn't mean a nord can't be a tree hugging mage (unlikely but still a chance)

i know argonians can't drown i meant it in the fact that this argonian was making such a fuss in the water if i didn't know any better i thought he would drown

i'll have to change the location, bravil maybe?

when there is a war between races i think there would be racism to races that are not in your faction doesn't matter what race they are, just happened these races are nords and i think i mentioned but i apologise if i didn't when this attack happened quib and the khajiit are on a caravan in skyrim

the reason i picked to have no religion is because one of the things that made me love oblivion was this grim sense of doom. you can see the deadra and what they do to mortals and yet the 'gods' do nothing at all and this made me think that there are no gods at all and that they were made up.
i like that feeling, that i was doing good even if the end looked bleak at best. i hated it in skyrim when you went into the nordic heaven but hey thats just me.

i dont want quib to worship the hist because he is cyrodilic born and have never been to black marsh so in game when i do go to the home land of my people both me and my character will be learning more about the hist (which i am looking forward to) and more about the argonian people.

the naming day is a good point and one i think i will delve into

yeah i have been looking into if leyawiin is in imperial control and i believe i saw that it was infact under khajiit control at this time but i think i will have to change the location reguardless
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Post #47653
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its debateable how detached an argonian can actually be from the hist.
as for the location, as a general thing Argonians in Cyrodiil are always an odd one out. Especialy with the flu raging they would become easy scapegoats wherever they would go.

On the war: still no reason to killa civillian. especialy not one on a culture that the nords have no history with.
An elf? yeah reasonable. Nords hate elves. But a kahjiit? most nord probably never seen a khajiit!
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Post #47657
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(March 6th 2013, 05:38 AM)Sordak Wrote: its debateable how detached an argonian can actually be from the hist.
as for the location, as a general thing Argonians in Cyrodiil are always an odd one out. Especialy with the flu raging they would become easy scapegoats wherever they would go.

On the war: still no reason to killa civillian. especialy not one on a culture that the nords have no history with.
An elf? yeah reasonable. Nords hate elves. But a kahjiit? most nord probably never seen a khajiit!

i remember reading the less hist they have at birth the more 'human like they look so it is something i will keep in mind.

hhm and i'll think about the nords maybe they got drunk? people have done aweful things even they regret when drunkenness is combined with fear and the khajiits have allied them selves with the bosmer and altmer. this doesn't mean all nords are like that but quib will have a hard time trusting nords due to it, the main reason was have some tension with in the pact with his fellow races, seeing though dunmer at this point are keeping argonians as slaves quib would find that out when he traveled to morrowind.

thanks for the feed back btw I'll update it soon as, though i'm going to check if bravil is a location that i can choose in sted of leyawiin and it doesn't damage the lore in some way
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Post #47665
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(March 6th 2013, 05:45 AM)quib Wrote:
(March 6th 2013, 05:38 AM)Sordak Wrote: its debateable how detached an argonian can actually be from the hist.
as for the location, as a general thing Argonians in Cyrodiil are always an odd one out. Especialy with the flu raging they would become easy scapegoats wherever they would go.

On the war: still no reason to killa civillian. especialy not one on a culture that the nords have no history with.
An elf? yeah reasonable. Nords hate elves. But a kahjiit? most nord probably never seen a khajiit!

i remember reading the less hist they have at birth the more 'human like they look so it is something i will keep in mind.

hhm and i'll think about the nords maybe they got drunk? people have done aweful things even they regret when drunkenness is combined with fear and the khajiits have allied them selves with the bosmer and altmer. this doesn't mean all nords are like that but quib will have a hard time trusting nords due to it, the main reason was have some tension with in the pact with his fellow races, seeing though dunmer at this point are keeping argonians as slaves quib would find that out when he traveled to morrowind.

thanks for the feed back btw I'll update it soon as, though i'm going to check if bravil is a location that i can choose in sted of leyawiin and it doesn't damage the lore in some way

actually the more sap the more human like.
If an argonian were to be given no sap the theory holds that they would be nothing but mindless animals.
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Post #47672
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(March 6th 2013, 06:24 AM)Sordak Wrote: actually the more sap the more human like.
If an argonian were to be given no sap the theory holds that they would be nothing but mindless animals.

just read that now, right time to go on uesp and such sites to see how i can fix my bio
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Post #47921
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(March 6th 2013, 04:37 AM)quib Wrote: good thread man,
I'll start

heres my character Quib
http://www.tesof.com/topic-quib?highlight=quib

would love feed back from you guys :)

Alright, so I have read the recently editted version. So I'll share my thoughts on that.

I do like his personal motivations for knowledge, as it does seem hard to resist learning of the many wonders that lay hidden on Nirn. He's like a independent scholars seeking to learn all the mysteries of the world and beyond.

The drunken state of nords is a solid choice for a murder of a friend; as anyone of any race can make poor judgement while under heavy influences of alcohol.

In terms of religion, if you want to choose an alternate way of not acknowledging higher dieties. Your character could always believe them to not be kind or helpful to mortals; believing them to be fickled and callous, thus not worthy of consideration. Even if you acknowledge Gods exist, doesn't mean you have to put faith into them.

He may feel differently about the Daedra since they seem to "meddle" more in the lives of mortals, while the Divines take part in much more subtle ways if at all.

Besides that, a bit of consistency in capitalizations and a few grammar and spelling corrections would help your audience read your work a bit more easily. If you need a hand with that, let me know!

(March 6th 2013, 04:45 AM)Sordak Wrote: Oh boy ill enjoy this.

bring me ALL the ninjas.

Hah, well don't intimidate folks away from asking for help!


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #47945
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Ok not sure if this is the right thread, but does anyone know of any villages along the Morrowind/ Cyrodiil border? I left it unnamed, as I didn't know of any. I'm not looking for a full critique, but a little assist would be nice. Also what's a good age for a young adult Dunmer? One that has reached adulthood yet is still young. Think 17-21 in human years.


My Characters: http://www.tesof.com/user-manarax

Nwûl tash.
Dzwol shâsotkun.
Shâsotjontû châtsatul nu tyûk.
Tyûkjontû châtsatul nu midwan.
Midwanjontû châtsatul nu asha.
Ashajontû kotswinot itsu nuyak.
Wonoksh Qyâsik nun.
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Post #47946
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(March 6th 2013, 11:23 PM)Manarax Wrote: Ok not sure if this is the right thread, but does anyone know of any villages along the Morrowind/ Cyrodiil border? I left it unnamed, as I didn't know of any. I'm not looking for a full critique, but a little assist would be nice. Also what's a good age for a young adult Dunmer? One that has reached adulthood yet is still young. Think 17-21 in human years.

I'm unaware of any villages on the border between those two provinces. Though it's a pretty extensive border so I'm sure you can make up your own village without much of an issue. I guess the House Hlaalu city of Kragenmoor would be the closest known settlement. (Or if those other villages are named on the map, you can try to look up those.)

I can't say for certainty the age when a Dunmer reaches adulthood, it may be at the same point as humans or a few years older as the Altmer leader, Queen Ayrenn, is an adult at the age of 28.


Character Profiles:
Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

Taren Jucanis - Imperial Deserter (Used for The Black Shroud RP)
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Post #47950
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Thanks! I'll update it.


My Characters: http://www.tesof.com/user-manarax

Nwûl tash.
Dzwol shâsotkun.
Shâsotjontû châtsatul nu tyûk.
Tyûkjontû châtsatul nu midwan.
Midwanjontû châtsatul nu asha.
Ashajontû kotswinot itsu nuyak.
Wonoksh Qyâsik nun.
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Post #47970
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Orc
(March 6th 2013, 04:37 AM)quib Wrote: heres my character Quib
http://www.tesof.com/topic-quib?highlight=quib

would love feed back from you guys :)

Tell you what, I thought it was a short and sweet fleshed out Character Sheet. I loved how he was down to earth and relatable, fantasy aspects aside. Overall a great character. I think you should look at some of the grammar and see if your sentences could flow better. Otherwise you nailed a cool argonian, if not a fibber ;)

Now, heres my guy, Seamus Gro-Throbb.
http://www.tesof.com/topic-seamus-gro-th...0#pid44880

My challenge was keeping him a true orsimer but not being too cookie-cutter, so I put some self and original concepts in him.
I gave you the jist of him, hoping you could actively imagine some of the holes I left, or his personality in meeting your char.
Don't be easy on me, but just make sure its a critique.
Thanks!


"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." -Kurt Cobain
"Failure, in my book, is someone who lives in the safety of their laptop taking shots at those who actually achieved what they have been unable to do." -Eli Roth
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Post #47985
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I actually really like your sheet, @Seamus. Fully fleshed out Orcs are rare on these forums so it's always nice to see one. He seems like a character with layers and room for development and growth through RP, and that's always a lot better than having a character set in stone.




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Post #48066
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(March 7th 2013, 03:26 AM)Seamus Wrote: Now, heres my guy, Seamus Gro-Throbb.
http://www.tesof.com/topic-seamus-gro-th...0#pid44880

My challenge was keeping him a true orsimer but not being too cookie-cutter, so I put some self and original concepts in him.
I gave you the jist of him, hoping you could actively imagine some of the holes I left, or his personality in meeting your char.
Don't be easy on me, but just make sure its a critique.
Thanks!


I like how he has a gruff exterior and has done some bad things in his life; but at the same time one of his best memories is rescuing a family who could offer little in return. Even though he does not understand his feeling at the time, he knows it was a good thing to do. As Triskele mentioned, this does offer a character that can grow and develop!

I would however suggest spelling out some acronyms though for readers who are unfamiliar with them; mainly for the Kynaran Order, as some may become skeptical on what TKO means.


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Endaros Ilmori - Buoyant Armiger
Sunrio - Aldmeri Justiciar

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